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Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone
My question is ...
We can close our eyes, to the things we don't want to see,
but we can't close our heart to the things we don't want to feel.
Last year my mom was handing out candy on Halloween. The trick or treaters would enter the house and she gave them big handfuls of chocolate. This year, we turned off the lights. The neighbors walked up with their young children and I found apples from the Farmer's Market to give to the children, but we had no candy. We went to sleep after the News. Three years ago, my dad was there to hand out candy. They never decorated their house, but they did like greeting the young folks.
Thank you for your understanding, A losing hand, MissHer and Tink. Sorry for my pity party. Amazing how a grown mature experienced person (the "mother" of my Department at school) who was dead set on independence all her life could be so pathetic about her parents.
I'm right there with you and wish for a moment to talk to my parents healthy & sound. That's the one thing about this disease that sucks. My mom left this earth without us having a conversation that was understood. It's going to be 10 months and I'm still waiting for her to come into my dreams & just say I understand and I'm ok.
Learning to live without our parents is not easy. And, it would be nice to have them for one more day, but even that would not be enough.
So, in the meantime life goes on and we're still here holding on to our LO's in our hearts.
I don't think it's a pity party at all. We miss our loved ones. It would be horrible sad if we did not, right?
Sometimes, out of nowhere, I heave a huge sigh, my head falls to my chest and tears run down my face.
I think I have "moved on" but realize that missing is always going to be a part of my life.
I’m right there with you, too. Just one more walk by the pond. One more talk about life. One more hug. One more chance to say, “I love you, Mom.”
I know she doesn’t want me—a grown woman with a daughter of my own— feeling this way. I want my mama!! And yet I do.
We hid from the kids last year when mom was here. I didn’t want her to be confused or nervous. This year we DID give out candy, donned wigs, and had scary movies playing in the background. But in the back of that background was the anniversary...she had just moved in.
Yea, we are supposed to miss our parents...that’s why we cared for them and gave them the end of life care only the best daughters or sons could. It still hurts. I want to be one of those kids with a parent there watching me go to the door, having my back. Even with mom as forgetful as she was, she could always tell when I didn’t feel well.
I don’t know what else to say. It’s been a lot tougher than I thought it would be.
I hear you loud and clear. I knew it was going to be very difficult losing my mother but I never dreamed it would be THIS difficult. I could never have foreseen this. Love and hugs to you.....