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moved mom to mc
Posted: Saturday, December 1, 2018 11:02 AM
Joined: 11/26/2018
Posts: 4

moved mom into mc 4 weeks ago. she does not cook and lives alone and seemed like she was having more problems as time went on. we had a plan to move her in when there was a show going on at the facility. we had her room all set up then the nurse got her and talked on the way up. walked into the room mom did not know until the nurse asked if she recognized her room, she said that is my bed and so on. we used a statement that the doctor wants to evaluate her and see how she is doing. so when we go to visit she wants to go home we tell her that the doctor is evaluating her. when ever i see her she is more verbal to me than with the family when we visit. My goal is to try and bring her home for Christmas but am afraid that she will not want to go back, and when we get her back is she going to have a hard time adjusting to MC again. the last time i visited and when i left she went to her room and did not want to eat there was another lady there that got her to go and eat. looking for thoughts or ideas on this is it to early to bring someone home for the holidays or is it to early?
Posted: Saturday, December 1, 2018 11:31 AM
Joined: 9/7/2017
Posts: 779

Every family is different.  We did not bring my FIL home for any holidays after he moved and it was fine.  He didn't notice.  We celebrated with him in his MC later that day. 

He talked about leaving alot but the few times we took him out, he was VERY fearful in the car and then wouldn't get out when we got there.  

Posted: Saturday, December 1, 2018 4:39 PM
Joined: 10/24/2018
Posts: 119

Hi burr! My mom, who has been out of her apartment for over 2 years, and in her newer place for 2 months, also talks about going home. In her case, "home" is 600 miles away at her previous place, where all her decades-old friendships in town existed. We moved her to be close to me, as I have a non-desk job so can usually respond to God-forbid-emergencies immediately.

 We took her to a few family Sunday lunches, and then the next week, she asked to be excused. She said, with perfect truth, "I don't know any of the people you're talking about". She ends up (justifiably) feeling ignored. That told me I definitely shouldn't take her to Thanksgiving at my dil's mom's house with all 35 people! So we did Thanksgiving at the "formal dining room" at her place, just 5 people: very good.

So, I believe we won't take her to "big family Christmas", or even the smaller one with gifts but too many people. I think we'll do a small presents+dinner at her AL/MC, same 5 people.

Your situation is different because your home was her home too.I could never in a million years have her live with me, and we haven't lived in the same city nor state since I was 19, so my home was never hers. As she was exactly the same about her own mother-- and they lived in the same town too!-- I don't feel guilty. You have a couple of weeks to try different scenarios in your head-- sleep on them and see what percolates to the top.

Posted: Sunday, December 2, 2018 3:02 PM
Joined: 10/3/2018
Posts: 1

My 66 year old sister was diagnosed about 2 years ago with moderate Alzheimers. She still lives alone (with support from the family) but we know she needs to move into MC.  After spending a week with her (she's in Pgh/I'm in Florida) I know the move needs to happen sooner than any of us hoped.  I will spend some of the Christmas trip up North looking at MC facilities.  The $10,000 question- how do we tell her she has to give up her home and dog and move?  Thanks for your thoughts.  I'm sure I'll be using this site more and more.
Posted: Sunday, December 2, 2018 3:42 PM
Joined: 10/9/2014
Posts: 558

I would try to look at the home visit from her eyes, the way she is now. I used to view things from my LO's perspective before she got dementia, but, I, found that it wasn't very helpful.  She no longer liked lots of people around, noise, commotion, lots of talking, etc.  It confused and frightened her and the good times, weren't good for her.  So, visits with her at the MC worked out much better than taking her out.  We met there and kept them short, since, she would tire easily and loose interest in the conversation.  The amount of stimulation she can handle will change as she progresses.  

In making the decision, I'd consider what might happen for the other family members if she become upset, confused, nervous, agitated, etc.  I'd just be prepared to deal with that. And, keep in mind that her expectations and abilities may be different from how she used to be. I'd allow time to help her get readjusted at the MC, once you return her. Sometimes, my LO would become disoriented returning to the MC unit just going outside to sit on the patio for a while.  Talking with the MC staff about your plans and concerns might be helpful too.   

Posted: Wednesday, December 5, 2018 4:45 PM
Joined: 5/29/2018
Posts: 11

We moved my Mom late September...we have taken her out several times.  Thanksgiving was a lot of people and very confusing for sister and I think for Christmas we are going to go in small groups to her new home and visit that way.  I think it is harder for us to feel "bad" about not taking Mom but in her reality I think it best she stay where she is.

When we return to the Home she always says "where are we going"  …. I don't think she really realizes she is living somewhere else.   Anyway...I know how you feel...we are going through the same thing.  

hand in there!!!!

Posted: Wednesday, December 5, 2018 8:41 PM
Joined: 11/26/2018
Posts: 4

hello thanks for the post

How did your mom react when she was back at mc, was she confused when she got back and take time to settle back in, or was she o.k. We just visited last saturday I did not say much to her the family great grand kids were there and we took up our dog. she was happy to see us I let her talk with the family and she told them she was happy here and lucky to have a room but wants to go home in the summer. as we were told from alz help line us what they call therapeutic fib. so this week end her sister is coming to town and we are going up to visit.



Posted: Wednesday, December 5, 2018 9:12 PM
Joined: 11/26/2018
Posts: 4

the facility that we used was having october fest so we used that to get her to the facility. we had a care giver that we were using to take her out for the day and then go to the show. we moved her bed room set and dressers and set that all up in the room. the nurse came and got her out of the show and walked her up to the room. we tried to talk with her about this and all of the good thing that they do and able to visit with people. she said that wound nice but wanted to stay at her house. I figured that this was the easiest way to get her there with out fighting.
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