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Just so tired of never ending battles.
markus8174
Posted: Monday, December 3, 2018 6:25 PM
Joined: 1/25/2018
Posts: 215


I wasn't sure to post in "Musings" or "Spouse" board, but if the moderator has a preference, please follow your heart. I'm just feeling defeated tonight. My DW cannot have the surgery she is needing because she has developed a bad cold-(which she also shared with me). Something is awry with my house plumbing, and I bet is going to be pricey. My home just got infested with fleas from trying to bring in a stray that has been hanging around- no good dead goes unpunished. I got the 4th billing for over $1000. from a hospital today for a treatment that should have been covered by my insurance, but was denied due to a coding error- and I can't get anyone to correct the billing. I left voice mail 4 times for my wife's surgeon asking for clarification of some tests she ordered but didn't discuss with my wife(and me) in the office- so far no response. I get no offer to help my DW go on a short shopping trip so she can buy something for me for Christmas, despite voicing this simple request repeatedly to our immediate family. It just seems like my DW's AD is just one of a multitude of dumps the universe is taking on me and I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself. At the advice of my friends on this site, I began an antidepressant a month ago. As I suspected, if you have good reason to be depressed, antidepressants aren't going to do much to improve your mood. I guess I'm ready for the Rapture, it seems to be the only solution to my cornucopia of problems. Just wanted to whine a little. Thanks for the forum.
jfkoc
Posted: Monday, December 3, 2018 8:27 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 15794


Oh, Marcus. If I had all of that on my plate I do not think I would even be able to write it down.

I will suggest that you handle the billing problem via certified mail. That worked for me.

Re Christmas? Get that ticket to Fl or the nearest hotel with massages

When all else fails tell "the everlasting" (nickname my grandfather had for his children) sick with a bad contagious cold. You can get one now and then relaspe.


ruthmendez
Posted: Monday, December 3, 2018 10:58 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 1615


Yeah, this sounds crappy.  And the Holidays doesn't make this better....but I agree with Judith. Make it a you and wife day.

I'm guessing you prefer to be with your whole family, but it does feel nice to stay away sometimes. If they were supportive, then this would be different.


Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, December 4, 2018 6:21 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5149


Look at it this way, Markus. You are learning how to become a survivor. Believe me. There are better days to come. You've got what it takes. Meanwhile. Find something to savor. Daily. You can do it. Be confident. Take control. You have us pulling for you. Rise above the adversity. Find reasons. To be in love. With life. You can do it. You can do it. You can do it. --Jim
markus8174
Posted: Thursday, December 6, 2018 7:46 AM
Joined: 1/25/2018
Posts: 215


Jim, I'm not sure "survivor" is a term I'd use to describe myself. In some sense I guess its true; I'm still here. This disease has killed off so much of who I was and taken so much of what I looked forward to, I don't know if there is much "me" left. I'm just hoping I can live lone enough to see my DW through to the end. I suspect I will be a very bitter, very angry old recluse for the remainder of my days. This disease has effected me in so many negative ways I don't believe there is any chance I will live long enough to heal my spirit. I just pray I can fake it as long as my DW needs me.
jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, December 6, 2018 1:54 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 15794


Marcus, I wish there were something I could say that would be helpful but I will not be a Pollyanna. You feel too bad for that.

There is no way to complete this journey without being drastically changed. You will not be the same person. Your life is not what  you expected or looked forward to. That is the truth however that does not mean that you will have lost yourself. You might not recognize yourself but it will be you and you might be comfortable with yourself.

You are in a rough spot for sure ...it is a spot!


Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, December 6, 2018 9:13 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5149


markus8174 wrote:
Jim, I'm not sure "survivor" is a term I'd use to describe myself. In some sense I guess its true; I'm still here. This disease has killed off so much of who I was and taken so much of what I looked forward to, I don't know if there is much "me" left. I'm just hoping I can live lone enough to see my DW through to the end. I suspect I will be a very bitter, very angry old recluse for the remainder of my days. This disease has effected me in so many negative ways I don't believe there is any chance I will live long enough to heal my spirit. I just pray I can fake it as long as my DW needs me.

You are a remarkable and very caring man, Markus. Keep caring. About your wife. About yourself. About life. Other care-givers have gone through what you are going through. And they’ve come out of it. As better human beings. I briefly thought I’d become a recluse. But turns out, I learned to care more than ever. Learned to truly savor life. Doing what dear Jeanne would have wanted me to do. Live to the fullest. In doing so, I am honoring Jeanne. I took good care of her. And now she’s taking good care of me. From her perch in the spiritual world. She’s happy. I’m happy. Go for it, Markus. Care. Care. Care. Exude good vibes. For your wife’s sake. For your sake.  Don’t be a pessimist. Be an optimist. Believe that your Cleveland Indians will go all the way next season. --Jim

 


ruthmendez
Posted: Friday, December 7, 2018 1:32 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 1615


Did anyone see that post from the moderator asking us if we wanted to share our perspective about how this platform helped us form friendships???

….silence....


jfkoc
Posted: Friday, December 7, 2018 9:32 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 15794


I have formed some valuable and deep friendships with posters here and will participate in the questions.

"We usually get what we look for / You get out of something to the degree you put in"...my father


jfkoc
Posted: Friday, December 7, 2018 4:37 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 15794


Underdog, I encourage you to start something amusing, interesting, humorous however if you look up the definition of musing you will find words like meditate, brood, comtemplate.  Give us a list of

Enablers? I am certain you have me as one of the three. I guess if sticking up for someone here when I think they have been correct then please  keep me as one of the enablers.

Now point of fact I have posted about a lot of subjects on musings and will do so again today. I have also frequently tried to divert a thread that I though was going south. Maybe the topic will be acceptable both as muse and at least slightly entertaining. 

I hope you will read and give us  your ideas.

We can make this forum what ever we wish so lets go for it.


ruthmendez
Posted: Friday, December 7, 2018 10:07 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 1615


Hey guys, I deleted some of my comments...
Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, December 8, 2018 12:07 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5149


Did you know? That all the great battles in history. Had endings. --Jim
Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, December 8, 2018 12:11 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5149


jfkoc wrote:
let's post help for Marcus, stay on topic and stop this

 

 

I'm curious. How does Markus spell his name?

 

 


jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, December 8, 2018 9:01 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 15794


I deleted some also...that was a good idea
TiggerPooh
Posted: Saturday, December 8, 2018 1:14 PM
Joined: 2/15/2018
Posts: 94


Hi, Markus, It's been awhile for me, for good reason, and I read three questions.  One, you asked about what is going on with your loved one. Second, you asked what you can do. Third, you asked about whether your antidepressant is doing the job it should or would if it could given the circumstances. If I have not captured this correctly, then please chime in. My assessment, as a loved one of my dearly beloved with dementia is: One, take care of yourself, because it is you who will take care of your beloved, Second, be there with your beloved, but also at the same time, knowing that this action is so important to your beloved as to be essential, please take care of yourself, and Third, if the antidepressant is not working to the extent you are expecting then I would give it another week, or, ask for a re-assessment. Finally, I would like to affirm that this is a difficult struggle, wherever you find yourself, and that you have allies all over the world who are struggling similarly. Should you find yourself in despair, reach out! Perhaps on a different forum (Spouse, Caregiver -- both have many more responses) but if not then reaching out anywhere is better than naught.
 
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