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It's not about pancakes
Ed1937
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 9:46 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 2718


This morning my wife asked me if I wanted her to make pancakes for breakfast. I told her that's fine if she felt like making them. She opened the fridge, took out the buttermilk, then just stood there. Finally she said "I forgot what to do". I told her that's OK, we'll have something else. She said "You have no idea how important it is for me to do this, and I'm going to make them". So I went to the living room, and waited. A few minutes later, she came in saying "I'm not making pancakes this morning". It's not about pancakes, it's about losing something, and that's hard.
jfkoc
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 10:20 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18314


Right.

Here is a maybe. You can thoroughly mix the dry ingredients in her recipe and store in the frig. Just add the milk, eggs and butter when you make the pancakes. I would print out the amount of dry and the the amount of the wets to add.

"I so love your pancakes. How about seeing if there is a way to simplify the process."


Rescue mom
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 10:27 AM
Joined: 10/12/2018
Posts: 1474


That does sound sad, and it’s sooo different from my situation it’s hard to imagine.

My DH would never say or acknowledge he could not do or remember something. He just....did not do them, (or said yes whether he understood or not) which meant it took a long time to see it was not just his choice.

It also created some serious problems, some I’m still dealing with. Other things were more temporary—like the mess left behind when he’d start something, not remember, and just walk away. (Now he does not do much of anything).

The only time he admitted it was regarding  driving, and when he got lost going somewhere nearby he’d been going daily for 30 years.

It would be sad to hear that, but at least you are there to help and comfort. I so much wish I’d realized what was going on, earlier.


Crushed
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 10:29 AM
Joined: 2/2/2014
Posts: 5538


I went through this drill so often I can hardly count .

First she could do it.

Then she could do it with help

Then I had to do it while she watched

Then she lost interest in doing it

Then she no longer understood what it was.

Cameras, computers, cellphones, Brassieres Earrings

 everything 

Sic transit gloria Mundi


Ed1937
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 6:39 PM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 2718


jfkoc wrote:

Here is a maybe. You can thoroughly mix the dry ingredients in her recipe and store in the frig. Just add the milk, eggs and butter when you make the pancakes. I would print out the amount of dry and the the amount of the wets to add.

Good thought, but I really think she'll be able to make them tomorrow if she tries. Maybe.



Mrs. O
Posted: Saturday, December 22, 2018 5:31 AM
Joined: 8/1/2017
Posts: 310


Dear Ed,   Your DW has incredible awareness and composure!  My DH has anosognosia and in this situation would just melt down crying, saying that people were playing cruel tricks on him. If making pancakes is important to her, could you make them together?
shardy
Posted: Saturday, December 22, 2018 7:01 AM
Joined: 12/14/2011
Posts: 388


This is a frustration for us also... a repetitive loss. I mean if Jim could just not do something. Fine, we deal with it, recognize it as a loss, accept it and move on.

But with this can do, then can't, then can ...the same loss keeps repeating...after five or six times of him being unable to do something I don't feel the loss of it...but the first 3-4 are rough to accept sometimes.

I have noticed once he becomes sporadic in his ability to do something it eventually becomes a constant.


Kay J
Posted: Saturday, December 22, 2018 9:13 AM
Joined: 12/3/2011
Posts: 220


It seems as though that as the disease progresses they go through a stage where they no longer remember how to do something they’ve always done but they are still able to figure out how to do it. For example, I can prepare a lot of familiar recipes that I’ve used over the years without looking at the recipe. I suppose a PWD would be able to follow a recipe for a period of time but then the disease will take that away to where they can’t use a mixer and eventually don’t really know what any of the kitchen tools are. I suspect in that middle stage they are covering up how difficult the tasks have become for them since they aren’t remembering but actually temporarily relearning each task.
dolor
Posted: Saturday, December 22, 2018 3:03 PM
Joined: 11/9/2017
Posts: 306


jfkoc wrote:

Right.

Here is a maybe. You can thoroughly mix the dry ingredients in her recipe and store in the frig. Just add the milk, eggs and butter when you make the pancakes. I would print out the amount of dry and the the amount of the wets to add.

"I so love your pancakes. How about seeing if there is a way to simplify the process."

*************************

OR, "I so love your pancakes. How about seeing if I can make them as good as you do."


feudman
Posted: Saturday, December 22, 2018 6:17 PM
Joined: 6/5/2014
Posts: 1486


Ed, I think she still wants to be useful, but needs some help. The more steps in the task, the more likely they will confuse the mechanics and/or order of the steps. She may just need prompts or you may have to show her some aspects of the steps, but then step back and let her proceed until she needs your help again. Imagine how proud she will be.
 
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