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How does a caregiver take care of self without any helpers?
Posted: Tuesday, March 12, 2019 12:58 PM
Joined: 3/7/2019
Posts: 9

My LO is in the latter stages of his disease and I  have been able to manage for the last few years; however, I  have reached the point to where I  am unable to have time to take care of myself. There is no one to help me nor is there any money to employ help. My LO makes $300 too much to qualify for financial help. I  know that there are others who are in the same situation and would appreciate any suggestions. Thank you.
NC caregiver
Posted: Tuesday, March 12, 2019 5:17 PM
Joined: 2/7/2018
Posts: 856

I am so sorry you are going through this without help . Try calling your local council on Aging . In our county they provide some free care each week - I think it is only 3 hours a week but that is better than nothing .    If your LO qualifies for Hospice they will usually provide respite care & I believe paid by Medicare.   Call the ALZ hotline to see if they have info on resources in your area .
Posted: Tuesday, March 12, 2019 7:35 PM
Joined: 2/9/2019
Posts: 88

I echo NC Caregiver's suggestion.  Check with your county; you can start with your local senior center  (which is what I did).  These centers often have lists of resources you can call on.  Some of the services we are able to receive are based on a sliding scale fee, so even if you make "a lot" of money, the services are still available to you. 

I can hear the desperation and fatigue in your post.  Please do get some help and keep us posted.  You're in my thoughts.

Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 8:42 AM
Joined: 3/25/2015
Posts: 535

Speak with a certified elder care attorney about a Miller Trust. Miller Trust is a special type of trust that adjusts a person's income downward, usually in an attempt for the individual to retain eligibility for certain types of governmental benefit programs. Most often, these trusts are used for the purpose of establishing eligibility for the Medicaid program.

Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 11:32 AM
Joined: 1/4/2017
Posts: 34

I hear you. Moms caregivers are minimal and only covers me getting to class some days (not even all of them). I make use of her friends who are still capable of helping, and I have a friend of mine who can do some extra driving (picking mom up for senior daycare and keeping her until i get out of class). However, none of that is for me to get time for myself. If I want to grab a coffee with a friend and take a break one of my teenagers has to be home with mom and I know they are both just waiting for me to get home, mom will wait in the window if her anxiety is up. 

Justifying even more money for caregivers just so I can get a break, when so much is already being paid out for me to attend classes and appointments feels like a luxury at this point. Mom was a good saver, had a nice pension, which is not enough to live on alone (she lives with me) but is too much to qualify for more caregivers. Even if she did qualify, here the caregiver has to come through an agency, and the one agency here does not have a good track record and is disorganized. I could end up with 5 different people showing up in one week. NO THANK YOU. Its very frustrating. 

I hope some of the suggestions here help and you can take a break. I know its super important when your a caregiver. Perhaps a bath late at night when LO is sleeping could even feel restorative in the short term? Do it up with bubbles, smelly candles, maybe a book or maybe set the phone on a pearch and put a movie or tv show on. 

Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 7:56 PM
Joined: 12/17/2014
Posts: 1081

If she is in later stages palliative care or hospice (free service) would be good possibilities.
Dreamer Lost
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 8:46 PM
Joined: 3/7/2019
Posts: 134

I agree with story crafter. definitely research palliative and hospice care in your state.  Ask your physician or hospital social worker.  It is 100% covered by medicare.  They will provide you with equipment like a hospital bed, hoyer lift, wheelchair, diapers, also provide nursing care in the home along with medications, and also an extra pair of hands for a certain number of hours.
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 9:56 PM
Joined: 2/1/2019
Posts: 13

Check with your local Area Agency on Aging, they may be able to help you out. Adult Day Programs are relatively affordable to give you me time during the week .
Posted: Thursday, March 14, 2019 2:38 PM
Joined: 3/7/2019
Posts: 9

Thanks for the suggestions, especially bathing when LO is sleeping. Sometimes I don't get to bathe for 3 or 4 days.
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