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sharing past life experiences that I don't want to share
Posted: Friday, April 5, 2019 11:20 AM
Joined: 3/4/2019
Posts: 8

As I get more confused, I am very afraid that I will share some of my past life experiences that I don't want to share, i.e. things I have done that I am not proud of.  Has this happened in your experiences?


Posted: Tuesday, April 9, 2019 6:59 PM
Joined: 3/4/2019
Posts: 8

Andy61, thanks for your response.  I guess by the time we start to say things out of our control, we won't be aware.  I feel badly ahead of time for the family that might hear me.

I thought about it after I posted that I should have put this into the caregiver's board.

Good suggestions.  Stay safe.

Posted: Thursday, April 11, 2019 8:16 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3468

Fear of losing filters and control?

Before I was diagnosed I swearing in conversations. It was so weird it shocked me. One day my mother and I were on way back to my house and I was driving and swearing and I said to her, "Isn't this weird? I can't stop it." She just looked at me like I was nuts.

This phase passed but I also know I will say stuff in future if I live that long. Have you thought about pre-empting the issue by saying something now, like, "Don't be surprised if some day I start telling stories!'   

Have you ever told anyone about these things you are ashamed of? If you had a safe person to tell now, and find self forgiveness now it might ease your fear. We have all done stuff, you are not alone.

I have told my kids things come out of my mouth I don't really mean. I have known people who did not speak cogently who near death spoke totally normally (worked volunteer for a hospice).

Maybe someone has ideas on how to "protect" ourselves from future revelations. 

love and courage

Posted: Friday, April 12, 2019 7:02 PM
Joined: 3/4/2019
Posts: 8

Alz+, thanks for your insights.  I have started to swear too.  In front of my parents!  And I'm 62!  I feel terrible and so disrespectful. 

I like your idea of pre-empting my worries by warning the family of possible "stories".  I will do that.

Thank you.

Posted: Friday, April 12, 2019 11:16 PM
Joined: 2/26/2019
Posts: 172

Ive talked to my counselor about this subject as i havnt sworn much at all in pre-diagnosis of dementia.  I also was afraid i would yell at loved ones for some unrelated circumstance, or worse yet, afraid i would try to hurt a loved one or spit at them, etc.

My counselors response was that our values and core personality traits are so engrained in us that if we werent doing sonethimg pre-diagnosis, we probably wont do it as the dementia progresses.....

Posted: Monday, April 15, 2019 9:11 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3468

VIC - the swearing!  others had that phase. I wasn't even mad about anything, just talking about what to have for dinner and f bombs came singing out. It went on for a few years.

I am Orthodox and am member of a VERY tiny church. While making my confession last year I swore, and then exclaimed loudly, "I can't believe I just said _____ in church to my priest!"

Not kidding. Not even sure how he reacted - the humiliation! the Shame! and then of course I found it funny and laughed as I was leaving church. I don't think I ever shared this with anyone other than husband before. Yikes. 

One of my quips with this condition was a line from a really stupid movie where 2 guys are in a van about to crash and the driver says, "No brakes - no point steering now!"

Posted: Monday, April 15, 2019 10:01 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 16900

I was skiing a long time ago near where you are and there was an Orthodox church. I think it was painted white. 

Will you get to any Easter services? Does the priest visit  you?

Posted: Tuesday, April 16, 2019 8:15 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3468

jfkoc !

yes St Simon's Orthodox church, that is my church. how nice someone would know about it!

It was one of first Orthodox churches in USA and was founded and visited by 2 saints - which I can not think of at moment.

It has extremely rare set of 12"by 14" icons given by Russian priest hanging inside. I photographed them 3 years ago and had them printed in a book for members and clergy. Also our Bishop grew up across the street from there so this tiny congregation has the Bishop holding services when he is in town to visit his family.

The nearest priest comes once a month, other Sundays we hold our own, sometimes 4 people are there.

The building is a healing machine and I miss its comforts every day.

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