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Hubby totally housebound
Posted: Saturday, April 13, 2019 11:39 AM
Joined: 8/4/2014
Posts: 138

Finally have a decent sunny warm day today tried to get him at least to go in the yard or for a ride he refuses. Pre-dementia he was out everyday hardly ever home.

Only able to give him a bath one a month, too hard to get him even on the shower chair.

He did actually ask for a shave today and he let me cut his fingernails.

I was at the ER my heartrate way too fast.

My dr. told me to stay away from stress. That will never happen.

Sometimes hubby sleeps so long, the other day 17 hours, only up twice to go to the bathroom.


Mimi S.
Posted: Saturday, April 13, 2019 11:49 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7036

Dear Numb,

Something has to happen for your well being. Are there financial assets for placement in a residential setting?

Don't ask if he'd like to take a walk, extend your arm, help him to his feet and go.  Same for Showering: figure out what is the best time of day.  

Do you have adult day care?

Posted: Saturday, April 13, 2019 6:53 PM
Joined: 7/1/2017
Posts: 79

Hi numb,

Is there anyway you can have someone come in and sit with him so you can go out.  Please hear me out before you think there is no way.  My mother has not left her room in 2 1/2 years.  "I have everything I need why do I have to go out?"  I know how the walls can feel like they are closing in on you.  

It wasn't until last September that I hired someone to come in everyday and believe me, it was a hard adjustment, for me.  My mother wasn't always happy but I knew she was safe and I had to get out for my own health.  

Is there an agency around you that you could hire?  Even if it's just for a few hours a day or a few hours a week, anything.  

Posted: Saturday, April 13, 2019 7:21 PM
Joined: 4/13/2019
Posts: 2

My dad is in similar state. Very difficult to get him outside. He had been attending a day program but recently too agitated. I asked his primary care doctor for a referral for “palliative” care. Intake was done yesterday and was found eligible. Medicare will pay for nursing care and respite if needed. Personal care (assist with bathing, dressing, etc) also offered. My dad isn’t bed bound. I was told I could take him out on good days (church, etc) can also resume day program (medical model) if able.  Please take care of your self and seek what help you can!
Dreamer Lost
Posted: Sunday, April 14, 2019 9:24 AM
Joined: 3/7/2019
Posts: 184

 numb, as others have said. You really need to take care of yourself first.  Get some support or help somewhere. Can you still go out by yourself and leave your hubby at home alone. (sorry don't know what stage he is in). But if you can, then try to take that time for yourself.  My DH sleeps late in the mornings, so I use that time (30 min - 1 hr) to go for a run (my sanity time), run errands, etc.  I also have cameras in the house so can watch him sleeping. He is also not a wanderer or dangerous if left alone. 

My DH also won't go outside for walks anymore.  It is either too hot, too cold, too windy, looks like it might rain, etc. Would take over an hour to get him dressed in shorts, shirt and tennis shoes and then we might be outside for 15 minutes, so is it worth it?  However, he will still go to church or out to eat, or run errands with me, but as I said it takes awhile to get him ready, first i have to inform him of what we are doing (or ask if he will go with me), then get him shaved, bathed, dressed, etc. I have started writing in a spiral notebook each day (others use a dry erase board),   Today is ......,  Errands or Appts...,  Chores:.... DH will look at it and study it, refer back to it, ask about it, etc.  I think it takes awhile to process anything so the longer time he has hearing something or reading it, helps. There also needs to be a purpose to our outing, he wouldn't just go for a ride, usually I say I need his help or something. I try to get him outside the house 3-4 times a week if possible, again keeping it routine and enjoyable, sometimes for lunch. 

As for bathing/grooming, I try to keep a routine as much as possible.  You may need outside assistance but once you find something that works, keep with it. I also write "take a bath" on the chores for the day.   I usually tell DH it is time for his bath or shave (will rub his chin stubble), or I will wash his hair.   Earlier in the day is better.  I usually start by getting him into the bathroom, maybe to help me pick out a shirt for the day, then begin with shaving (turning on the electric razor can sometimes trigger him to do it himself)  and brushing teeth (putting on the toothpaste and wetting the toothbrush), laying everything out (even shaving him myself if needed), fill the tub with water (so he can hear it running), mess with his hair and say, boy you need your hair washed.  I will wash it for you. I try to keep it enjoyable.  Talk about how warm the water is, how the soap is an expensive moisturizing soap, doesn't that feel good, etc. The actual bath may only take 5-10 minutes but the warmup seems to take forever. 

Again, please take care of yourself. What would happen to your hubby if something happens to you? As the airlines say,  put on your oxygen mask first, then help your LO. 

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