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Posted: Friday, April 19, 2019 10:56 AM
Joined: 6/6/2017
Posts: 17

Hi everyone.  I am new to this group and  have been looking for support for awhile, but live in a town with incredible homophobia, so I won't join an in person support group--I have enough stress as it is, and do not want to deal with their ignorance.  

I have seen signs of my wife failing for years (we have been together for 25 years) Two years ago, testing indicates mild cognitive impairment.  We are retesting her in June with the same neuro-psychologist. My DW has plateaued for  about 4 months, and all of the sudden things have gotten worse.  She has great difficulty staying organized, loses things all of the time (most recent her billfold and phone).  The amount of time I spend finding things "with her" is astronomical.  And EXPENSIVE!  We found her phone and billfold in the mailbox.  The phone was ruined because it had been in a black mailbox in 85 degree heat for a day and a half (I keep insurance on her phone), and she believes someone found these items and put them in our mailbox.  Up until now, I have handle things well, but her most recent turn for the worse includes her inability to filter what comes out of her mouth.  Her behavior in public is quite  embarrassing.  Further, we have a 13 year old son who is on the autism spectrum and she triggers him all the time.  Sometimes I am so sad because I am losing her, and other times I am so angry with her.  It's the anger that I am struggling with, and the fear of this getting so much worse.  I don't know how I am going to handle it.  I am so glad I found this outlet.  


Posted: Saturday, April 20, 2019 8:09 AM
Joined: 1/10/2019
Posts: 70

Hi Lauri, welcome to the site. Come on over to the caregivers forum because no-one hardly posts over here. You will find a lot of support on the caregivers side. There's no judgment by any means as everybody is struggling with the same emotions. I'm sorry that you are going through this with your wife. It is a long hard journey, but you are not alone.
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2019 8:54 PM
Joined: 6/17/2017
Posts: 107

Hi Laurie!  So glad you posted..  I've been with my wife for over 40 years, married since it became legal, and yes, at first I didn't tell people because, it is hard enough being gay.  I got the same advice you did, and have felt so welcomed on the Spouse/Caregiver message board I've never given it another thought.  People here are kind and non judgemental.  Certainly we are all going through what no one should have to go through.

I've been through lots of phases - at first I didn't know what was going on, and I was angry, couldn't take the anger, temper tantrums, embarassing behavior.  Now, well, I do my best, day by day, have learned lots of coping behavior.  Still some days are easier than others, some days  I just want to curl up.  Most of the time I get through it by saying, yes, this will pass.  

This is compounded by the fact that my mother has just had a rapid and severe cognitive decline.  I come to this site when I need compassion, understanding, and I learn so much from other's experiences.

As they say, welcome to the club no one wants to belong too.  You are not alone, and I am glad that you found your way here!

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