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where is God anyway?
Pain is so hard to watch and comprehend. We had a getaway last week - stayed at an airbnb. It was set in a wooded area and had a resident Bengal cat. When we got there I looked out the window and saw the cat with what I thought was a kitten in it's mouth. I was pretty excited. I went out on the deck to have a closer look and that is when I heard the screaming. It was a baby bunny in it's mouth. I clapped so the cat would release it which it did but the bunny laid on the ground unmoving but still screaming. I decided to go in the house and let nature take it's course.
It was awful to see. It's the question that haunts me always... why do we have to eat for our survival - whether it's animals or carrots or lettuce. Why was it set up that way? The whole system is set up that way - consuming other living things. It's weird.
And yes, watching my mother when she is scared and in distress (which thankfully is minimal these days), is very difficult. And when I look around at all of the souls in the facility struggling when they are frail and worn out makes my heart break.
My question is a little different from yours... I don't question God, I question what the heck this place is. I know the Bible says it's a fallen world, but what does that mean really? How did it all start, why are we having these journey's? What's it all about?
I'm not satisfied with pat answers. I'm always looking for the deeper meaning. I haven't found it yet.
I'm sure my ramblings aren't helpful in the least - just letting you know I question too - albeit somewhat different questions.
I hope we all find some peace amidst this chaos.
Have you asked Him?
My hospice chaplain told me "it's OK to be angry with God. Some of our best conversations with Him can arise from anger and/or frustration."
This question of "WHY" has been on my mind since my DW started this Alz journey. I thought I had a solid foundation of faith, and pray that I still do. Almost every day I worry if I can make this journey and keep that faith.
The one step & one day at a time is what I trust will help me move on.
I give thanks that we have long term insurance, so that helps with easing the pressure of trying to pay for her care in MC. Still the raw question is "WHY" her.
I'm getting ready to drive the daily 80 mile round trip, to see her. It has only been 3 weeks that she went into MC, and the thought of doing this for years, will continue the question "Why".
I pray that I can do what is needed for her.
Everywhere. I see him when I eat and I have my fridge full. I see him when I have clothes to wear, a car to drive, I can run, walk, talk, I'm still alright. I see him when I know my father is ok. Yes, he has a disease, but he's blessed with good care.
I see him here. In us, helping each other out, when times are rough. Everywhere. In our hearts, and in our minds.
In our ability to love and care. Give a hand. In our work, there's God.
I appreciate you bringing this up.
I don't want to be even more of a "downer", but I can honestly say this disease has shattered any faith I once had in the traditional god. It's essentially made me an atheist.
My mom did not deserve this disease. Every single aspect of it is simply cruel. If this is all supposed to be some life lesson, then the lesson planner sucks and needs to entirely rework their curriculum.
I have gone from being something of an "optimist" to a pretty dark person. My 30s have been defined by watching my mom slowly die from this disease. This isn't what my mom would want for me but I can't seem to shake it.
Ironically, the closest I can get to finding some peace in all of this is embracing the notion that life is pain. We're not meant to be "happy", we're mean to "present" and in that presence maybe we can find contentment. I'm not really sure.
I don't know if there truly is a God. I am always interested in reading about folks that have had near death experiences. I do believe there is a peace being offered at our time of death and that there is always a loved one who has passed prior that comes and scoops you up to wherever it is we're going. Seems odd though, that we bury bodies in the ground but always associate heaven as upwards. We are a strange bunch, aren't we?
I do believe in the power of prayer to some extent. After my father died we were in shock at the turn of events. I prayed and prayed for why??? My Dad said to me, "Di, the old man just checked out" The message was enough for me to know that it wasn't my fault for not seeing him earlier that morning before he had a heart attack, and that he was really tired of caring for Mom although he loved her dearly. As the days passed I felt everyone's thoughts and prayers as that was the only thing keeping me standing on my own 2 feet. I was shaken to the core by sudden death. It was pretty surreal. My mother obviously declined in the months that passed, and I prayed and prayed for her to go. I was grateful for the time we had left with her, but glad she passed just 13 months after Pop. I was overwhelmed with peace right after she passed knowing full well that she was no longer sick and suffering.
I do care and think and pray for many of you often. It's all hard to understand. I so wish I had answers to give you.