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Spouse or Partner Caregiver Forum
Molokai, I understand and I am so sorry. This sounds as though it has hit a crisis situation and is not safe or healthy for either one of you. Please contact the Care Consultants at the Alzheimer's Assn. at (800) 272-3900 that was explained in your other Thread, and discuss your options.
Do you have any sort of a support system from family and/or friends? If so; it is time to call and let them know you need help. Your husband is not going to process your needs or remember what you have told him secondary to the damage to his brain, and I know how difficult that sort of situation can be on a permanent basis; if you have some support that can often help release some of the tension.
Please get an urgent appointment with your doctor or even be seen in the ER or Urgent Care; this level of stress is severely harsh on the body and you may be able to have something prescribed that can help and also would benefit from blood pressure and lab tests to diagnose and forestall any cumulative effects from the severe chronic stress. A good counselor may also be helpful to assist with coping skills and making decisions; I don't know if you have seen anyone or not.
Basically; would you feel comfortable in having your husband placed into respite care for a few weeks as you sort things out and get some breathings space? Are there funds to enable you to do that? Since you are in the LA County area, there are a lot of options for placement for respite in various facilities.
There are also quite a few all-day Adult Daycare Centers in Los Angeles County as well as in other nearby counties. If he did go to such a place on a daily basis or even a few times a week, it would give you time to go home, sleep, rest, breathe, and also do some planning for what you wish to do on a permanent basis.
No matter what; we get it and are here to listen. Please do reach out and make a call so you can get some good input for planning for immediate assistance.
Molokai, I will be thinking of you and I truly do care; please let us know how you are doing, we will be looking for you.
Hello Dear Molokai; it is just me again. I happened to see your other Post where you shared that finances had also become a problem issue.
I just wanted to let you know that there are some Daycare Centers that will not turn a person away for lack of funds; and some have sliding scale fees. If I knew what city you lived in, it would be not too difficult to suss out what may be near you.
One can also Google the Area Agency on Aging for your geographic area; they have social workers that can assist with sharing where services are and what programs may be available for your situation.
Also, there is the, "Alzheimers Los Angeles," group that covers all areas in the county. Here is their link:
They do what they call, in-depth personalized needs/care counseling with their Master's Degree Social Workers; here is their contact information:
"To learn more or schedule a meeting with a Care Counselor, please call 844.HELP.ALZ (844.435.7259)"
Also, you mentioned that you have an appointment for your husband at the UCLA dementia center; they too have Social Workers, you can also contact them.
There will be help to be found to bring some relief, just remember to take care of you too; in order to get things done to where you decide you want yourself to be, it is by far best to put your oxygen mask on first and when you are doing okay, then your husband's.
Dropping by to let you know you are being thought of today.
Wanted to clarify one of my posts. I have no interest in paying our bills but I do anyway even if I don't feel like doing it. Thankfully, we do not have financial problems at this time. But as you all know that can be upended at any time. Any time. I wish we had a million dollars in the bank. But we don't. Ya know, it really doesn't matter. Money is almost insignificant. It has no meaning. Really, no meaning at all. My spouses and my health are top priority. He's got great insurance and i have Medicare. But I don't give a sh-- anymore. If a bill is absurd I simply don't pay it. For first time in my life I feel like not filing our tax returns(extended to oct. 15) we usually get a significant refund but I just don't give a sh-- anymore. I've been a responsible hard working adult since I was 23 years old. I'm 68 now. f--- it.
LIst of support groups
This also looks interesting;
Re Leeza...I do not think that it is dementia specific so may not be the most helpful.
You may need to try several groups to find the one that suits you. Some of us never found them as helpful as these forums but do give it a try.