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Hello … (New member) …
… just reaching out for some connection here. I just created this account here and I hope that's okay. My mother, after some time of increasing memory and other cognitive problems, has just recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
I'm going to plan to get home at least every month or two for a few days from now on, to check in on her and see as much of her as I can for now. I'm going to have a lot of work trying to get Dad on track: He's vaguely mentioned the idea of selling the farm and moving into an assisted living community, but I don't know that he'll be acting on that quickly enough (and there will be complications convincing Mom to give up the animals and, very potentially, her German Shepherd). I also need to make sure he finds a primary doctor specializing in geriatrics for her (right now I believe her primary doctor is a neurologist), and I'm going to try to get him involved in some Kansas City area support groups if I can. He's just never been the type that deals with that very well.
To anyone who's read all the way through this, thank you so much for taking the time. I don't really have any specific questions out of this, but I appreciate the support and I'm sure I'll have plenty of questions to bring here over the next few months. Thank you all.
Welcome. I am sorry you have to be here but I think you will find it a helpful place.
Unfortunately, it does not sound like your dad is going to change and give your mother what she needs from him and since he is her caregiver there is not much you can do to change it since you have no control.
You may want to visit for longer and maybe send your dad away during that time to just make it easier for you and your mom during the visit. Or maybe with experience from watching how you handle your mom, your dad may learn a thing or two.
Since your dad likes to be on the computer, you may ask him to visit this site and just from reading the threads, he will learn that arguing or demanding or pushing is counter productive when dealing with someone with dementia.
I am sorry you have to go through this and I am sorry that you have lost or will soon lose that very close son/mother relationship. This disease is relentless and it takes no prisoners. At least you had a special relationship with your mom, so many others did not even have that.
Hang in there and good luck. I wish you all the best.
It sounds like you're doing everything right with your mom.
The three words that really sum up people with dementia is "Make them comfortable."
Your dad is going to be an issue as her condition worsens if he can't embrace those three words.
Hello John, and welcome
A recent diagnosis can throw everyone into a maelstrom of worry, sadness, denial, anger and frustration. Your mom, you, brothers and your dad have a lot to process, and that will take time.
I recommend reading The 36 Hour Day, its incredibly helpful for guidance. Pick up a copy for your dad, too...leave it by his computer for him to discover on his own schedule
This site is a wonderful resource of how-to, how-not-to, and general support
Hi John. So sorry you have to be here but glad you found the site. I'm relatively new myself and this site is a godsend. Especially on those days/nights where I don't think I can make it to the next minute!
Lots of kind, empathetic and wise people on this site. All very good to have -- especially with this d*mned disease and its many horrors -- when you need them.