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Last days for my other LO
Posted: Tuesday, October 8, 2019 1:17 PM
Joined: 12/11/2018
Posts: 124

We are in the last days of my elderly LO's life. I just rode with her in the ambulance, relocating her back to a Butterfly Wing for increased pain meds and realistically, she is not likely to leave here. Just 5 months shy of her 100th birthday, so it has been a long, blessed life. Still, I had hoped to help her live out her last days in her home as she did for my uncle as he lived and died with Alzheimer's almost 2 decades ago. We almost made it through what seems like possibly her last week -- as she is clearly preparing to leave here. But her pain became too great to manage, so without a compassionate assisted exit strategy allowed in the US, this is our best option. As facilities go, it is a very special place where she stayed for a few respite days recently and they cared for her lovingly. Not home, but the next best thing.

I shared here recently that a DPOA situation was escalating so DH & I would be speeding up plans to be with this LO 24/7 given advanced age and some recent questions about capacity, and predators. My bi-weekly, then weekly visits were no longer enough.The change was an adventure but it was the right move, no pun intended. Both for DH & for our other dear LO.

After an initial scare (Life Alert rescue and hospitalization) which she survived in good health and spirits 6 months ago, she recently had a sudden stroke and went from hospital, to in-home hospice, paralyzed on one side, in less than 4 days. 

So, I've been 24/7 caregiver for two, on a whole new level recently, serving as many of you do/have done. And learning more in the last 6+ weeks about administering comfort meds and providing all other hospice support for a bedridden adult -- turning, diapering, feeding, bathing, oral care, etc. than I ever imagined. She was/is my 2nd PWD, though undiagnosed.  It may have been hospital-induced delirium or just advanced age and/or vascular dementia all along. Either way, she knows she is loved, but that she is dying. And she never, ever, wanted to sit still or spend her life in bed, unable to be independent at any level. So as of a few hours ago, we are in a SNF because her pain was too great for Morphine, and declining food/water for several days -- while still holding on to life -- has sent us to a higher level of hospice care where a Dr. can see her daily and they can try to at least control her pain.

I am thanking you all, and my DH who led me to this forum. Who knew I would need what I've learned here, so soon. Keeping you & your loved ones in our thoughts & prayers. Please send good thoughts, energy & prayers to this dear one who is living out her last days now.

Posted: Wednesday, October 9, 2019 12:41 AM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 741

Sending peace and comfort to your LO. May she live out the rest of her days blessed with physical, emotional and spiritual comfort. Sometimes it helps to tell our LO it’s okay for them to go now. Let her know that you will miss her but you will be okay.
Posted: Wednesday, October 9, 2019 2:48 AM
Joined: 12/11/2018
Posts: 124

Dear abc123: Thank you so much for your wisdom and kind thoughts. Yes, I have told her this, and I think she just didn't yet know how to let go. A couple of days ago she stated she wanted to go see her (late) mother but that she was scared. Lately, she's been seeing and hearing some things (and people) that did not scare her, but seemed she was preparing to leave this life. 

Physical signs are that the end is near.We are hoping she will be free soon, due to the increasing physical pain. Praying she will have comfort during these last days. Much appreciation for your prayer which I am certain will reach my LO, just as it has touched me at this difficult time. 

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