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Army_Vet60
Posted: Friday, October 18, 2019 6:27 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 469


My wife died on 24 August after a six year struggle with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's W/Lewy Bodies.

I had been posting on the Caregiver of Spouse forum from June until yesterday. I finally feel ready to transition to this forum.

My wife died in our Livingroom.

It's been unbearably hard to accept that Sandy is gone. We had a bond that felt like electricity passing between us whether we were touching each other or just in the same room.

I still feel that energy coming from her though out the house. 

It took one week after my wife died for me to hit rock bottom after experiencing three blackouts.

I've been in grief counseling for six weeks now, and just added group sessions this week.

Well, that's my introduction to this forum. I plan to scroll through threads to get a feel for other caregivers who are now survivors of caregiving, and dealing with the pain of losing their LO.

For me, right now it's feeling like half of me died with my wife that morning, and fighting a feeling since then that life is pointless now.  Counseling has helped me keep my head above water.


TessC
Posted: Saturday, October 19, 2019 11:21 AM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5004


I'm very sorry you have lost your soul mate recently. I can't truly imagine the pain you are going through because it was my mother who recently passed and we are all know that will one day happen, no matter the cause. That is the nature of this circle of life, but to lose your spouse....you have my deepest condolences and though it may take a long time to grieve and recover from caregiving-I have to think your wife would want you to be healthy and enjoying your life again in good time. Take care!
Army_Vet60
Posted: Saturday, October 19, 2019 6:36 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 469


TessC wrote:
I'm very sorry you have lost your soul mate recently. I can't truly imagine the pain you are going through because it was my mother who recently passed and we are all know that will one day happen, no matter the cause. That is the nature of this circle of life, but to lose your spouse....you have my deepest condolences and though it may take a long time to grieve and recover from caregiving-I have to think your wife would want you to be healthy and enjoying your life again in good time. Take care!
Thank you for writing back. Our pain may be different, Tess, but our losses are equal. Your mother and my wife are going to be missed. They can't be replaced.
   It truly is a circle of life. My wife died and six weeks later a grand daughter was born. 

MissHer
Posted: Saturday, October 19, 2019 7:19 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2190


ArmyVet

I read your posts on the spousal boards. You took wonderful loving care of your Sandy. I am so  very sorry for the pain that you surely must have felt watching your Sandy lose her abilities and her now being gone, It's just one long grief  and sadness. Hold on, it does get better, with time. 

 I did lose a spouse and then was divorced after a 20 year marriage, to my 2nd husband. 

I lost my stepfather to Parkinson's with dementia in Feb 2014. Much to my surprise, my mom was probably in stage 3 ALZ, and I thought it was just stress. She went home to the Lord in Sept 2018. I miss them so much and I try to stay busy. 

There is light at the end of the tunnel. 

God bless you

Deb

Tess..God bless you,too


jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, October 19, 2019 7:40 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17689


Army vet......you already know a lot of us who post here. It is a good place to share our loses.
Tink4495
Posted: Sunday, October 20, 2019 12:05 AM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 760


I am so sorry for the loss of your dear wife and so sorry you both were on this journey. The grief is unbearable at times. Everyone is different when it comes to grieving so grieve at your own pace. The loss of our dear loved ones leaves such a hole in our hearts but as time goes by, it does get better. Remember to breath and take one date at a time and take care of yourself. God Bless you and thank you for your service.
River48
Posted: Sunday, October 20, 2019 9:49 AM
Joined: 5/19/2019
Posts: 12


My 59 year old husband passed 11 months ago,I am still working and still get hit with a wave of grief when someone asks what my husband does.Mostly the grief hits as I go to bed. I am hoping things lighten up. I have a family to run. I will never have another husband. I don't think I could go through all that uncertainty and worry again.I got a puppy the week before he died as a companion for him but his death was sudden.If not for that puppy in my arms, I would have blown apart.Take care of you and listen to your instincts.Others will tell you how  to do it but we all heal differently.
Army_Vet60
Posted: Sunday, October 20, 2019 10:40 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 469


Missher, jfkoc, Tink, and River,

Thank you for welcoming over to this side. 

I appreciate the support so much, and I hope as I get help with both individual and group therapy, I can share it and help others here who are coping with the loss of a LO.

 


Skittles412
Posted: Monday, October 21, 2019 9:34 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 238


Hello Army Vet. 

First let me tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of your precious wife.  I lost my mom in June 2018 and I'm still trying to dig my way out of the sadness and overwhelming feeling of loss and grief.  I can't imagine your pain but I know mine and it can be debilitating at times.  This is a great place to be for support and just to vent.  Please know you are not alone in your grieving process.  I pray that your counseling is helping you make sense of this and allowing you to carry on.  God Bless you.

xoxoxo - Kat


Army_Vet60
Posted: Monday, October 21, 2019 10:09 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 469


Skittles412 wrote:

Hello Army Vet. 

First let me tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of your precious wife.  I lost my mom in June 2018 and I'm still trying to dig my way out of the sadness and overwhelming feeling of loss and grief.  I can't imagine your pain but I know mine and it can be debilitating at times.  This is a great place to be for support and just to vent.  Please know you are not alone in your grieving process.  I pray that your counseling is helping you make sense of this and allowing you to carry on.  God Bless you.

xoxoxo - Kat

Hi,

Thank you for writing back. 

Yes, the counseling stopped me from self-destructing.

The day she died, I went into shock and a walking blackout. 

I came out of it two days later as was overwhelmed with what felt like a millions reasons to feel guilty, feel like a failure, feel like I betrayed her, etc. The counselor immediately helped me to just look at each specific "topic" - why do I feel guilty? How did I betray her? How did I fail her?

Dealing with grief, pain, and loss this way has me not feeling like the only direction to go is down. I'm facing each of the negative feelings separately and chipping away at them with the help of counseling, family, and many of the caregivers I've "met" here the past five months.

One day at a time is my mantra right now.

 


dutiful deb
Posted: Monday, October 21, 2019 11:08 AM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1863


Army Vet,

I'm sorry for your loss. I want to add my welcome to this forum. It's been a place of refuge for me, even when I just come to read.  My mom passed away nearly a year and a half ago; as she was entering her last days, my husband's impairments were surfacing. At that time, my son cut ties with us. As Kat said, I can't imagine your pain, but do know what it's like to be in deep despair and hope I can help support others through their grief, at least in some small way. 

Blessings, Deb


Army_Vet60
Posted: Monday, October 21, 2019 11:20 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 469


dutiful deb wrote:

Army Vet,

I'm sorry for your loss. I want to add my welcome to this forum. It's been a place of refuge for me, even when I just come to read.  My mom passed away nearly a year and a half ago; as she was entering her last days, my husband's impairments were surfacing. At that time, my son cut ties with us. As Kat said, I can't imagine your pain, but do know what it's like to be in deep despair and hope I can help support others through their grief, at least in some small way. 

Blessings, Deb

Thanks Deb for your support.
I have to comment that I love that bear in your avatar.  About three weeks after my wife died, I found an identical stuffed bear in the closet. At night, when I want to talk to my wife, I use the bear as a substitute. It's been a great sounding board for me as well to sort things out when I'm alone.

dutiful deb
Posted: Tuesday, October 22, 2019 12:30 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1863


Army Vet,

Thank you! I kind of like my bear avatar, too! I've been on these boards for a long time, and have had him as my "ID" all along, with the exception of a brief time when I had my own photo up. I went back to the bear for privacy reasons at a specific time in my caregiving experience. I'm an early childhood teacher, and I found the picture among my collection of downloaded materials. One member and I became good friends and e-mailed on a regular basis over the course of about three years; often the letters were opened with "Dear Mrs. Bear" so my teddy bear has a special sentiment for me as well. I'm glad he has brought you some joy, too! 

Deb


 
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