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When your same sex spouse has Alzheimer's
Posted: Thursday, October 24, 2019 10:51 PM
Joined: 10/24/2019
Posts: 1

Is there anyone else out there who is married to a person of the same gender that has Alzheimer's?  My wife and I have been together for almost 22 years.  Now we are taking the hard journey together with her new companion, "Al." 

I don't see much activity in this forum.  Is it hidden somewhere, or are people just lurking, waiting for someone to start chatting?

Jo C.
Posted: Friday, October 25, 2019 10:58 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13690

Hello Alena, and welcome to this Message Board.  I am sorry for the reason that brings you here, but am glad you found us.

The answer to your question is, that this particular Forum is not well attended.  What most ssame gender spouses or partners do, is to Post on the Spousal/Partner Forum where there is a much larger Member group.  That way, they are seen and get much more input.

There are several same gender spouses on that Forum and I can tell you  that they have all been welcomed with open arms.  There is so much support and assistance there because there is the larger group of Members.

You may want to go over to that Forum and take a look or even start a Thread regarding your own situation.

As I often say, we are all here in support of one another and that now includes you too!  Hope to see you over on the Spousal/Partner Forum.


Posted: Saturday, October 26, 2019 12:44 AM
Joined: 7/15/2019
Posts: 29

Good morning Alena T. I have used both sites and received great responses. - What is happening with you and your spouse? - My wife of 39 years was diagnosed with moderate ALZ in June of this year. While I had been dealing with changes over the past 2 years (her wandering while on vaca, losing interest in reading, forgetting how to start a car, getting lost, repetition, etc.), I did not come to the hard conclusion until this spring when I came home from shopping and found her outside on the back deck...and she was naked from the waist down. Needless to say, I was heartsick and so scheduled the 6 hour evaluation, etc. A couple of weeks later, my primary care doc called with the diagnosis...she was almost as destroyed as I was. Just hearing those words: she has Alzheimer's Disease...it was as if my heart had been ripped from my chest. But, life must go on, right now, this moment, because this is the best moment...few moments ahead will be as good as this one. With this in mind,  this next weekend, we're having a 39th anniversary lunch at our home for our closest friends and family...some of whom are coming in from out of town. Why celebrate 39? Who knows what life will be like this time next year? This will be a good chance for everyone to connect with my DW before....well, you know. The whole idea just...makes me cry and cry. Crying is my favorite thing these days. But, here in this forum, I can cry. It is okay. So, please come here to these forums and find help from others who have so much experience. I have and have found a lifeline.
Posted: Friday, November 15, 2019 11:20 AM
Joined: 6/6/2017
Posts: 17

I am sorry to hear this.  My wife and I have been together 25 years, and have been dealing with this since 2016.  As you know, it is a difficult road to travel.  I do wish the LGBTQ  forum was used a bit more, because I think we have an additional set of circumstances that impact the way in which live, provide care, and share our stories.   However, I do agree that our  pain and grief is the same as those in the Caretaker forum.  Continue to reach out for support and use the discussion board to support others.  Most days it is an outlet for me.  

Posted: Saturday, July 25, 2020 8:47 PM
Joined: 7/25/2020
Posts: 2

I see that this board isn’t used much and totally understand that all caregivers have the same basic issues. I’ve attended support groups and have never met another LGTBQ caregiver, but have also never had anything less than a welcome with open arms. I just figured I’d put my name into this group in case there are specific LGBTQ  things that do come up.

My wife was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s in October 2018. She was just shy of her 58th birthday and been having increasing symptoms for a couple of years before I could convince her to go to a doctor. Listening to other peoples’ stories, we clearly had good care from our PCP and her neurologist in looking for other reasons for her symptoms before the diagnosis was made. I am in my mid-fifties and self-employed, which involves occasional out-of-town travel. We have an amazing core group of friends who are very involved with helping out. I’m always looking to touch base with others for advice or just some confirmation that I’m doing ok.

Maws girl
Posted: Tuesday, August 11, 2020 11:29 PM
Joined: 8/11/2020
Posts: 1

HI sorry to hear about your wife. I lost my wife 2 years ago. But join this support group because my mother has alz and lives with me. I'm just lost dont know what I need to do. I'm like you thought I throw my name in the hat and see what I can find out.
Jo C.
Posted: Thursday, August 13, 2020 7:23 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13690

 A very warm welcome to our newer Members.  We are glad you joined ALZConnected.  It is true that the LGBTQ Forum does not have much traffic and if one is looking to gain information and support re dementia, it will not be the best place to be for that purpose.

If you wish, you can Post on the "Spousal/Partner" Forum, or the "Caregivers" Forum or both;  you will get input from multiple Members and much information as those are the two busiest Forums on this site.

Many of our LBGTQ Members do just that and they have always been welcomed with open arms and become part of the extended electronic support group.

Will look for you there on one or the other or perhaps, even both,


Posted: Wednesday, September 23, 2020 7:30 PM
Joined: 7/17/2020
Posts: 344

While she still has her competency, I highly recommend she makes sure she has all of her legal work prepared. This includes Power of Attorney, Will, HIPPA, and Medical Directive. These things are often overlooked and not having them could cause problems later on. This way she will know that her wished will be followed when the time comes.
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