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end of my time here on boards
Posted: Tuesday, November 5, 2019 10:17 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549

Thank you all for all you have done for me since 2013.

This is a short time  left for me to do do a few things that have been on hold for many many years.

My son is here, my kids are doing all they can.

I did not want to say this goodbye but there is ongoing misinformation and I know some of my friends here might be deeply affected by what is happening to me.

I have "preached" a different approach to brain malfunction and esp "rages" and "being difficult".  Maybe it has helped some people.

this morning there was another eruption from Habib. It was hot, fast and cruel. He went outside for awhile and came back in and apologized to me.

My response: I opened my arms to him and let him weep. I said the things I long to hear when I erupt, "You didn't mean it. You are frightened. I understand. You have a thought and it comes out your mouth. I love you. We all love you. You can have your sanctuary back. We are looking for a place for me."

there is a family joke from a movie about 2 stoner guys who are in a van and the driver says, "Whoa the brakes failed! No point steering now eh?"

He said "I can't believe you said that to me."

And I said, "No point steering now. Forgive yourself. Our brains don't work. Neither of us is malicious." I held him while he sobbed, and then he held me.


This is my being: what you believe is who you are whatever happens. Even if I lose every home I have to the end of my life I refuse to be cruel, I forgive myself for "not behaving better". 

I am not coming back to read goodbyes. I have cut off social media. This is my alone time and I am looking forward to whatever comes, it is all a highway home.

Love and courage to everyone

Posted: Tuesday, November 5, 2019 12:43 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 518

Dear alz+

I am not saying goodbye because I am hopeing when you feel better about things you will come back There are a lot of people out here that care about you.

I have read a lot of your post and you as well of others have helped me thru the tuff times when my DH was alive and we were dealing with his dementia.

As you know alot of us say things that may not be understood as we met it so please ignore the misinformation and take this into consideration.

I think I understand how you feel and I do care. I left you a mesg the other day that I think might have gotten buried so you may not have seen it. Please let me know if you would like to talk to me thru (Connections).

I am sure everyone means well. Hugs to You Zetta   

Posted: Tuesday, November 5, 2019 2:27 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2162


I hate to see you go because many of us (quiet) folks care about you. If you don't come back I want you to know that your help with my caregiving was priceless.

 Much love


Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, November 5, 2019 2:41 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16143

Dear Alz+, I am sailing on the Nile, away from Cairo.  Here there is spotty 2G WiFi and spotty cellular service.  I am sick about reading what is happening to you.  Caregiving is a calling that requires much from both parties.    I don't like for you to feel you must leave the boards.  This is supposed to be your support system.

You have been a blessing to those who come here.  I will try to contact you privately after I return to the U.S.


Posted: Tuesday, November 5, 2019 4:42 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2582

That was a beautiful moment between you and Habib, Alz.
Posted: Tuesday, November 5, 2019 11:15 PM
Joined: 7/3/2018
Posts: 60


You have given me so much to think about with our journey with my dear Mom.  Your generosity and grace on this board are unparalleled.  I hope you get your clean, safe, simple and cozy space that you and your dog so well deserve.  I know you will be in all our thoughts.  I will miss you.  

Posted: Wednesday, November 6, 2019 6:35 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1957

Love you so much alz+. Praying for your safety, serenity and peace every day with my “coffee with God” every morning. Hugs and love and always courage. You will know the right step forward, or, to give acceptance rather than take that step. You will know. Don’t worry about love. Love is all there is. Love. Love. Love.
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