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Sorry to hear you and your brother are having such difficulties. Lewy body dementia has a number of unique challenges. Do you have a good geriatric psychiatrist or neurologist you can work with to fine tune medications? My husband also has Lewy Body and has been more stable on a combination of Depakote (mood stabilizer), Clonazepam (anti-anxiety) and Seroquel (antipsychotic). That being said, he still has bouts of anger and agitation that seemed to come from nowhere. He has very erratic sleep patterns and has had a number of falls. Hallucinations come and go. I moved him to memory care at the end of August, and it took about 5 weeks for him to adjust. I (on the other hand) am still adjusting. I started taking a low dose anti-depressant and it keeps me from crying when I see him. The visits go much better when I bring positive energy and love instead of fear and despair.
Hang in there. A wise person once told me that everything with dementia (the good and the bad) is only temporary. As soon as you adjust to one phase, he will be in another. Good luck to you.
It is a very good thing that you have found a better living situation for your dear brother. There will be a period of adaptation not only for him, but also for you; it takes time to settle in and feel more comfort and security.
If you feel that your brother has anxiety, it may be that the doctor may wish to assess his present medications and make some adjustments or add an, "as needed" med to help with the anxiety symptoms
It is of no avail at his point to tell your brother that his dementia is causing his symptoms, he really cannot process that as you are able to. It is best to have the med needs evaluated and have the staff work with him to help him feel more secure.
I also learned with my Loved One, (LO), not to let my LO know when I was leaving. I just said I had to use the bathroom and then left. I had also spoken to an aide or other staff member and asked them to engage her or lead her to a different focus when I left. That worked very well and eliminated the separation anxiety. My LO never remembered that I had been there and left to use the rest room so to speak.
It takes a bit of time to adapt and to get dynamics into place. It may be a good time to ask for a multidisciplinary patient care conference soon. These are required by law, and in this, you can discuss your brother's needs with staff and a good plan of care can be developed to address these. Usually an RN supervisor, dietary, social services, activity director, an aide and others will attend such meetings. They are not lengthy, so it is best to make a list of concerns to bring with you so nothing is missed.
Let us know how it is going, we will be thinking of you.
Has he received an actual diagnosis? You say that it is thought that he has Lewy Body dementia. Are you his Healthcare POA? I might explore this and confirm his diagnosis, so, that if there are medications that might help him with his mood, that can be prescribed. It's important to know what he has, so medication therapy can be evaluated. I would also research Lewy Body dementia, if that is his diagnosis and learn how it presents itself different from other conditions that causes dementia, like AD.
I'd try to accept that it may not be possible for your LO to process how dementia is affecting him. So, talking about it or trying to explain might bother him or confuse him. Seeing you upset, would likely cause him worry too, so, I'd work on being positive when you visit. Perhaps, have a list of things you can talk about in advance. Even if he doesn't speak, you can still chat and keeps positive. You can still share things about your day, the weather, etc. I go into the MC with my LO's new clothes, photos, etc. and start telling her what I brought her. She is no longer verbal, but, I still talk about how I hope she'll like the new sweater, new throw, etc. I hold them to her so she can feel them, comment on how I hope she'll like them, etc. I talk to other residents and staff, if they are nearby and compliment my LO. Things like how I like her curly hair, nice complexion, blue eyes.......things that will make her feel positive, if she can understand me.
Does he like music? I'd consider playing a music video of music that he enjoys. Words are not really needed for that.
If he is holding you too tight when you try to leave, I would consult with the staff and ask for options. I'd try to cooperate with what they say, as they encounter these types of things a lot. I'd try to keep it positive and not create a lot of drama surrounding saying goodbye.