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Selling house - What happened to my things? I need them for the new house I am buying!
Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 6:59 AM
Joined: 7/2/2019
Posts: 3

My mom has been living with me for about 4-5 months. We lost my stepdad in Jan to Alzheimer's, ironically. We noticed problems with her when we came to help in the last stages of his disease. After his death, everything got worse, and she had an ER visit which we think was the result of a TIA, due to the AFIB she has. Since that time, she's not been the same and everything worsened. I have had her evaluated comprehensively, and she has dementia caused by Alzheimer's and also primary progressive aphasia, which affects speech. My stepdad also ended up not being able to talk. She doesn't realize she has dementia, just thinks she forgets some words now and then, or at least that's what she says.

So she finally conceded to selling her house 30 min away. We actually now have a buyer, which we haven't told her yet. We will be going to act of sale in beginning of Jan. So the dilemma is all of her things!! She keeps saying she is buying another house, because that was the plan initially, until I saw she could not take her meds properly and was told it's not safe for her to live alone. She has been told this repeatedly but can't remember and disagrees when she's told; and the process starts all over! Mostly, we try and redirect but have told her several times over the last months. 

So now I have an estate company coming in the next 3 weeks to mark things and hold sale. I have no idea what to tell her, since telling her we sold her things without even asking would send her over the deep end and would be the highest violation of her trust. She is still aware enough to understand that and is still wanting to go to house to "check on things" while it's up for sale. We just took her car, so she cannot drive there any longer, but she is asking me to go by when we are in the area once a week. I have to now keep her away from the house while they tag and get ready for sale and will be in the house! 

Telling her the buyers want to buy the things will and has brought the same reaction. And to understand the weight of the situation, my mom wanted to build this home all her life and was her dream, including the things. She is also has a mental problem with getting rid of anything, like anything, to the point of borderline hoarder! So it's a much bigger issue than the normal person/situation. 

Any suggestions as to what to tell her about where we put her things, AND reasons why I can't bring her there during the next few weeks?!! I am so upset and stressed about doing this, but I know there is no other option.

Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 7:15 AM
Joined: 3/14/2018
Posts: 253

Can you rent a storage unit for some things and maybe bring them to her later when she wants to "deal with her stuff."

It's hard, I know.

Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 9:20 AM
Joined: 3/6/2017
Posts: 2206

Don't be in the area with her if you can't redirect her.

We told dad his stuff was all in storage. Some of it was for a time which enabled me to take pictures to reassure him with.
Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 11:27 AM
Joined: 2/6/2018
Posts: 280

“The house is being tented for termites (or whatever). It’s filled with poisonous gas and no one can go in for 2 weeks.” “They’re doing an inspection today and the sellers aren’t allowed to be there.” “I’m putting all your stuff in storage.” 

I like the suggestions of truly putting some of her most loved items in storage for now. 

Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 12:07 PM
Joined: 10/24/2018
Posts: 1062

So hard for both of you. I agree with renting a storage unit for a time if possible. There are also many fiblets that can spin off the home sale process, which will buy you time. Meanwhile, maybe next time she wants to go check on the house, you may find you have a great need to be back at your house for a conference call, pit stop, let's make cookies, dog has to go out, friend coming by, whatever. Perhaps.
Posted: Sunday, December 1, 2019 9:37 AM
Joined: 10/12/2018
Posts: 91

I did the storage unit thing.  Found one nearby that I could get a reasonable price for a 6-month period.   Crammed most of her stuff in there initially.   Then when I had time, I would go through it and gradually dispose/distribute things that would have been least important to her.   As it turned out, she declined rapidly and I didn't have to cope with the insistant "where's my stuff" question.  I was able to put off the occasional inquiries with fiblets.   I think it was easier on me to know that I didn't call the junk-man to haul everything off right away.   If push came to shove, I could have taken her to the storage garage to view all her stuff.
Posted: Monday, December 2, 2019 5:53 AM
Joined: 7/2/2019
Posts: 3

I forgot to mention that I already have storage unit nearby with a lot of decor because she had triple the amount needed to even show the house! I filled half of a 10x20 unit with just that! But she has a 5-bedroom house filled with furniture, so there's no way to put furniture in there, and it would just be a few pieces compared to a full house. She is aware enough to know that's only 2-3 pieces.

BUT I did come up with an idea! We are going to tell her that my brother knows someone who has a storage place in Lafayette where he lives who is going to allow us to store her things there! That way, she will not ask us to take her there. It's too far. And she never goes there to visit.

I do like the idea of taking pics, so I will take pics of the storage unit here before we empty it out and say the furniture is behind all this stuff, you just can't see it.

Thanks for all the ideas about storage and why I can't bring her to the house during the next few weeks! They were great. This is so helpful to be able to ask questions and see how others have dealt with all this.

Thank you again!


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