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My DH was violated today
Posted: Sunday, December 1, 2019 11:00 PM
Joined: 11/19/2019
Posts: 18

My husband and I (well, mainly me) were enjoying pizza dinner and the football game today.  When my husband (who is in a facility), had to go to the bathroom, I asked an aid to assist me.  My husband can stand, but can't pivot.  In any case, while he was in the bathroom another resident came to the door and knocked.  He is a guy that my husband and I have had said hello to many times in the halls.  The aid opened the door ajar, and he asked if my husband was in.  I said he was, but he was in the bathroom.  He stayed outside the door for at least 10 minutes while my husband was in the bathroom.  He knocked again, and asked if my husband (by name) was there or his friend? I asked if he was talking about my husbands aid.  He didn't answer.  I of course being thrilled my husband has a friend at the facility to come visit him, invited him into the room.  He wheeled himself in as the aid left.  My husband sat in his wheelchair as well.  The "guest" grabbed my husbands hand as if to shake it, but then it got kinda weird.  He started to caress his hand and arm while glancing over at me constantly.  I first thought a friend, awesome.  But as he kept caressing him, his hand went to my husbands private area.  I stood up and told him no.  I think he knew it was wrong and told him to get out. I went to get some assistance from the facility and don't know if there were consequences.  A person on duty from the facility came and asked me what happened, but am curious how this would have turned out if it was my younger husband being the aggressor or if it happened to a woman?  What do you do in a situation like this? I'm loss for what to do.
Posted: Monday, December 2, 2019 5:33 AM
Joined: 4/6/2014
Posts: 516

Best thing to do in my opinion would be to make a formal complaint to the facility. They would have to investigate the complaint. There will at least be a complaint on record in case something happens in the future.
Posted: Monday, December 2, 2019 6:06 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 3252

Welcome to the forum. Sorry for what is happening to you. 

I think you should make a formal complaint, and ask if there had been other instances like this. Your profile states that the MC wants your husband out of there. Is it possible that your husband seems to have given the green light for this type of behavior? We never know what our LOs will do when their brains are compromised.

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2019 9:37 PM
Joined: 11/19/2019
Posts: 18

Wow!  I just found out today that the resident that sexually abused my husband was the one that the facility said my husband got in an altercation with.  I was told that my husband put his hand on the other residents face. I've asked for video and reports, but have not been given anything.  Administration at the facility never told me this was the same man that had my husband sent to a hospital.  My husband is young and they just blamed him.. I now think back over a month or so ago and my husband kept pointing at his private area.  I thought he didn't like his briefs as they are large.  Now I'm thinking he was trying to tell me that abuse was going on.  My husband was sent to a  hospital for evaluation, and I got the bills.  The other resident had no consequences. And no my husband didn't lead this resident on.  My husband was upset. Hopefully I will be moving him tomorrow to another facility. We could have moved today, but again his current facility didn't send the records!  Abuse in any kind/way is just not acceptable.
Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2019 12:11 AM
Joined: 4/23/2019
Posts: 406

I am glad you are moving your husband to another facility.  Wow, I am so sorry this has happened.  Please let us know how the facility works out for you and your DH.  Like you don't have enough on your plate.


Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2019 12:50 PM
Joined: 7/15/2016
Posts: 1060

This is horrible. Can you report the old facility, and say that your husband tried to report that he was being sexually assaulted, but that nothing was done? and that when you reported it, still nothing was done?
Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2019 1:26 PM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 3252

You deserve answers to your questions. If they don't provide them, report them to the state. I'll bet you will get answers then. Just a suggestion that you might get the state involved will likely get all the answers you want.
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