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Living in Crazy Town
MsUnderstood
Posted: Wednesday, January 1, 2020 5:22 PM
Joined: 1/1/2020
Posts: 1


Living in Crazy Town is what I call my situation....  I have yet to meet with a support group and discussing it with friends who can’t relate makes me sound crazy.  So, after last night I just wanted to post some of my frustrations – I know things are not going to improve but at least maybe someone can relate.

 My mother has VD after having a stroke about 18 years ago.  She presents well, looks fabulous and most people just thinks she is just a little forgetful. I pay bills, grocery shop, make appointments etc.  I seem to waffle between thinking that she is still capable or is sliding down.  Mom realizes that she does not always get the date/time right and then will accuse me of thinking she is “losing it.”  Right now, she is at the anger stage and I seem to be exactly where it is directed.   Mom can push buttons making it very difficult to not respond. Thankfully I am not living at the house but am within 5 miles.  I take advantage of when she is angry at me to get work done because she is not calling numerous times a day.  Mom is a drama queen and every trip to the hospital always ends up with a good story to tell.  Of course, with all the scares and me having to make serious medical decisions mom still feels that she does not need to change her lifestyle; continues to smoke, drink and sugar is the mainstay of her diet.  When we go to functions/gatherings friends will give her drinks and I end up with dealing with the consequences.  Which basically means being trapped in the car bombarded with accusations which makes me want to stop the car and leave her along side of the road.  If drinks or smokes are curtailed, she will have a fit.  I try to make it seem that she is having a drink with very limited alcohol as much as possible.  Bottom line or bottom of the glass I have basically given up on the fight and try my best to limit the situation.  That being said; I agreed to take her out to dinner last night at a very nice restaurant and attempted to limit the wine.  But the pleasant conversation came to a screeching halt! Mom didn’t even make it to the car and over dessert managed to start in blaming me for preventing my brother from coming to visit and being mean to him (he only calls when he wants money, claims he is adopted and has not seen mom in at least 15 years which is a whole chapter on its own).  Then she went on to tell me that I am preventing her from getting her sports car fixed because I want it for myself (really, I am afraid she cannot drive a clutch and would wreck).  She pressed on with the “Full Monty” of things I have done wrong and I could not get out of the restaurant fast enough and tried not to speed driving her home!  Of course, I had to declare that I am “DONE” and want my life back!  I feel terrible for saying that but also realize she is not going to remember what was said but possibly recall the emotions.  Hopefully mom will get back to telling me how awful her carpet looks after I had it cleaned and that her new dishwasher doesn’t work while reminding me that I do not look like her family.  At least then my guilt will be replaced with the desire to run away from Crazy Town!


smbren
Posted: Thursday, January 2, 2020 7:36 AM
Joined: 10/11/2018
Posts: 76


I so feel what you are going through

My mother is in that anger phase as well.  It is mostly directed at my father, so I am constantly trying to educate him as well.  Feels like I'm a care giver for 2 people. 

And I like the name Crazy Town!

As for telling friends, this is how I handled it.  First, I only told the ones I was close too.  And then I only did it when I was in the right head space, another words, not on one of those days I felt like jumping in the car and driving as fast and as far from Crazy Town as I could.  I had to be in the right mental space as when I told them I also explained a lot about the disease, where my mother was at, the things we are struggling with, the challenges, the fact that socially she still comes across fairly well and just appears forgetful.  But now, I've built my own support group out of the people that are closest to me that aren't as familiar to the disease that I can reach out to on those tough days, or weeks, or months as I expect this one to be.  I do find the support group and this forum great as well, but having people that know me and some that know my parents is actually nice to be able to talk with them as well.  

Hang in there
From your neighbor in Crazy Town


LadyTexan
Posted: Thursday, January 2, 2020 10:33 AM
Joined: 12/21/2018
Posts: 835


I too have been a longtime resident of CrazyTown. My alcoholic husband has EOAD. He was angry for months & months and I was his verbal punching bag. Every loss and every problem was my fault. He said the ugliest things to me. He threw me out of the house. He told several doctors that he was divorcing me which made arranging care especially difficult. As a result of his outbursts, on multiple occasions, I have had to call the police, temporarily leave my home and protect myself. 

After one particularly horrible incident, DH ended up in the psych hospital. Thank goodness. The 72 hours that he was inpatient provided much need respite for me.

As a result of the hospital stay, DH connected with a geri-psychiatrist that is phenomenal. She prescribed anti-anxiety meds and emphasized to him that the meds would not work if he drank. He didn't stop drinking at that point. After several more horrible incidents, and additional meds, and follow-up visits with the geri-psych doctor, husband is now abstaining from alcohol. THAT has made a huge difference. I have quite a few alcoholics in my life, so I know what an anomaly DH's sobriety is. I credit the meds, the doctor and the grace of God.

I absolutely understand your frustration. It was awful. And at times, I felt that my safety was a risk. I learned so much from this forum. Now my phone is always charged and within reach. I won't hesitate to leave or call for help in the event of an alcoholic explosion that puts my safety at risk. 

I remind myself that my husband's brain is diseased. The verbal insults are still painful. I try to be my own cheerleader because DH doesn't appreciate the depth of my commitment to his well being and care.

 

Friends and family did not understand what I was going through. But the people on this forum did. They understood and cared. The caregiver heroes here provided applicable and actionable suggestions. 

I am so sorry this is happening to you. CrazyTown is a chaotic, miserable, unpredictable and lonely place to be. Please be safe.


TeriLee
Posted: Thursday, January 2, 2020 3:18 PM
Joined: 11/3/2016
Posts: 64


Living in Crazy Town is the worst place to be. Not only do I keep my phone charged and ready, I started sleeping with my clothes on, just in case I had to jump and run.

I've often wondered if the diseases enhance the anger and abusive personality. I've had to let go of some emotions and try to move forward on my own. Of course that's  hard to do when love still lives inside me.

My DH doesn't grasp how much I care for him and his every need. I can only believe someday, I'll be able to live again.

I live in Crazy Town, Texas too lady texan.


 
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