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And so the grieving process continues....
I still hear my wife's last words to me before she endured 12 days of actively dying. I've spent the past year dealing with my pain and coming to grips with all of the conflicting emotions.
This past month, I've been trying come to grips with those 12 final days and what it was like from her perspective. She was comatose, but aware of what was going on around her. It was Sandy and me, her nurse and aide, and an invisible Guardian, during that time.
HER DYING DAY
Day 1 I love you....
I have to say goodbye to you....
But I don't want to....
Day 2 I have to close my eyes and sleep;
I don't need water, nor food to eat.
Just the morphine to ease my pain.
Day 3 I have a new Guardian who you can't see,
Waiting to take me where I can dance again.
She stands to my right at my feet.
Day 4 Please don't hover and watch me sleep.
Can't you see the smile that's for you?
I want you to know I'm finding peace.
Day 5 My Guardian has the patience
Of a Saint.
She knows it's hard for me to let go of you.
Day 6 I heard the nurse tell you
How much I must love you
To be fighting till my dying day.
Day 7 I can't leave while you watch
And I can't when you cry,
But I do like it when you stroke my hair.
Day 8 I heard music all night,
Our favorites you played.
Our bond will outlive my dying day.
Day 9 The nurse told you the truth.
My body is failing.
Darkness is descending.
Day 10 Why did he have to hear my cries?
I sounded like lamb
Going to the slaughter.
Day 11 When you entered our bedroom, I gave you a gift.
I appeared on our bed and smiled.
I looked the same as the first day we met.
Keep that vision...please never forget.
Day 12 I love you....
I have to say goodbye to you,,,,,
But I don't want to......
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