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FIL has passed
Posted: Monday, July 12, 2021 10:09 AM
Joined: 11/22/2019
Posts: 399

My father in law with dementia died this past weekend.

Even though it was not entirely unexpected given his age and dementia, it was a surprise nonetheless.

He was a wonderful father to my spouse and my spouse's brother.

He served his country during wartime in the Navy.

It wasn't easy caring for him, but I was glad I had the opportunity to do so.

It seems strange with him gone after constant focus and interaction on his well-being.

I miss him.  

Posted: Monday, July 12, 2021 10:01 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1535

Dear KawKaw,    I am sorry to hear that your FIL passed away but please take comfort in knowing that you took good care of him. Peace be with you and your family. Hugs Zetta
Posted: Tuesday, July 13, 2021 9:33 AM
Joined: 11/22/2019
Posts: 399

Many thanks, ladyzetta.

I do feel that he received good care with us.

Something that also happened after my mother passed last year from dementia is that I feel a bit lost currently.

When care has driven your choices and activities for a long time, to suddenly no longer provide that requires a reset.

There is relief mixed with the sorrow.

Plans to be changed.  Tasks that went undone that could be tackled now.

We now have a guest room where he slept.  Though I really wish he was still here to use it.

Conflicting emotions.

However, nothing to be done except keep moving, remember my lost ones and have gratitude for each day.
Posted: Tuesday, July 13, 2021 11:25 AM
Joined: 5/25/2020
Posts: 360

KawKaw, I agree with your sentiment. My DH died on April 7th and I felt very lost for at least the first two months. I still feel very much "what now?", although now I feel like I can at least think about it.

A very good friend said - not unkindly - at least you have time to do things now. Thing is, he's the only person I want to do them with.

Take care, take each day as it comes.

Sunshine days
Posted: Wednesday, July 14, 2021 4:33 PM
Joined: 4/9/2015
Posts: 96

Dear KawKaw,

I understand completely. What you wrote describes me and my conflicting emotions almost to a tee....My sweet mama passed away just over 2 weeks ago and I still feel like I am living in an alternate reality. It was such a long hard and heartbreaking road, and I am so glad she is no longer struggling with this monster disease, but I miss her terribly. May God bless you and your family as you walk through this together. 

Posted: Thursday, July 15, 2021 11:25 AM
Joined: 11/22/2019
Posts: 399

Thank you aod363 and Sunshine days.

Alternative reality is a good description.

I still grieve for my mother after more than a year.  It has changed from overwhelming to occasional bursts of grief.

I think it isn't merely time that heals, but also being open to the heartbreaking aspects of grief as they occur.

I would not choose to be open to heartbreak otherwise.  I hope that this is the way through since I cannot go around.

I grieve for us all.

Posted: Thursday, July 15, 2021 6:49 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20227

I remember the relief and the realization that I had lost a job as well as my husband. It has been an ongoing adjustment.

Being open to the heartbreaks.....thank you for that thought.

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