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Spouse or Partner Caregiver Forum
Need some objectivity, I am too close.
My thoughts on the matter - if it makes you feel better then do it. You don't know how it might make your LOWD feel, but it won'T make her feel worse! Good for you to travel that far 4-5 days a week, you should be able to visit a room that makes you feel better too.
As you say, good care is a must and the decor must come after.
If you feel that sprucing it up will make it nicer for you both, by all means do it, but you don't need to buy new to have nice things.
I don't know about your specific area, but look into thrift shops or Goodwill stores to see if you can find an "upgrade" to the pieces which concern you.
I know when my sister died we gave many very nice and still useable pieces to our local hospice thrift shop.
It sounds like your DW has very limited awareness of her surroundings. (That’s true of my DW, late stage 6). If that’s the case, then furnishing her room more attractively may be something you’re doing for yourself as much as for her. Which is perfectly fine.
I remember your previous posts, particularly how agonizing the placement decision was for you. I am glad your DW is being well cared for in the facility you selected. Anything and everything you can do to reaffirm the placement decision and feel as good as you can about it are well worth it.
Upcharge for private room $600/month
SOC payment for Medicaid $200/month
Gas for travel $120./month
Yep, $920./month is a lot for me.
As for nice room to visit in, I don't have that much money if I hit the lottery.
All I wonder about is has anyone done this for a loved one bobbing around in earily stage 7 and had it make any difference to their well being and happiness? It ain't gonna do squat for my happiness. The woman I lived to make happy for 40 years is conversing with a Cabbage Patch Kid. There isn't a lot of happy in that scenerio for me. I just can't keep going through 2 visits out of 3 with her sobbing and distraught. Has a prettier room helped anyone's loved one be a bit happier, or is she likely too far turned inward to even notice by the time I have stuff delivered.
8 weeks ago, with the first visit allowed in her room since the Covid lockdown, she grabbed my hand, said my name, and whispered: "I don't think I'm going to live much longer. I'm scared. Will you hold my hand?"
Today she sat and played with a dolly for 30 minutes before even acknowledging I was there. She speaks; says understandable complete sentences to the doll,(it answers from time to time), occasionaly speaks to me with an "I love you so much"-all well and good. It still doesn't help me to decide if it's worthwhile to spruce up her room a bit at this stage of her disease. I'm afraid she is slipping so quickly that by the time I beg maintenence to hang the curtains and wall decor, throw out the broken furniture and move in the new, a parade of elephants could march through her room and she wouldn't bat an eye.
What has anyone else in this forum experienced in these kinds of circumstances? Am I just wishful thinking to hope it may improve her mood?
Good to hear from you Markus!
When my mother moved into a MC, my three siblings decorated her room; I doubt she noticed, but we did. The one thing I WISH we would have brought from home is her small kitchen table.
Markus--So glad to hear from you.
I'd save your money, my LO complained the room was too small when they moved in a few years ago ( a single).
This week they said is was "too large" and went on so I had to call the staff, same room!
If you would take visual pleasure from different things in your wife's room do it, but change of any type may upset your wife.
I'm so glad your wife is getting good care, travel safe. (Maybe drop one visit a week and see if she cries less, with gas costs rising too).
Hello Marcus, good to hear your voice, it has indeed been awhile. I do recall how difficult a decision it was to decide on placement. Glad you found a place with good care.
As for the furnishings; as others have said, it would be more for your comfort than it would be for hers. The Goodwill and other charity shops do indeed have decent pieces one can get for a nominal cost.
However; if you are looking to please her; instead of furniture, why not go to Target or WalMart and get her a really pretty bright colored quilt for her bed? She would enjoy the colors. In the same light, you could find pretty framed pictures of flowers or other subects at those stores or in the Thrift shops that you could hang on her wall.
One can always find bright things to lighten up a room. There are also inexpensive "stained glass" decorations that have suction cups to place on windows that catch the light; and there are even bird feeders that go on the outside of windows to give some interest now and then. Sometimes one can find really pretty colored artificial flowers in a container that could sit on her nightstand; she seems to react to such items. All of that would be at low cost and you could both enjoy them.
It is sweet that she has her dolls to cuddle and communicate with; the doll and the cuddles must be very soothing for her and bring comfort. Lovely that she has that.
She is in a private room which is a little bit isolating; would or does she enjoy going out to the activity room and/to watch others in activities; especially when there is music or exercise or balloon toss? Even if she cannot participate, perhaps if the activity does not disturb her, she would enjoy watching. If a wheelchair would be uncomfortable; they could always use a guerney chair for her comfort. Guerney chairs have wheels that would permit taking her outside for short breaks weather permitting.
So hope all does well, do let us know how it is going.
Take good care;
are there any specific things from home that you think would make her feel more comfortable? It seems like familiar things often times help. Whether it be similar curtains, or blankets, a chair, etc.
Though it may not work for everyone; when my mother reached the state your wife is in, I had bought her a really lovely quilt/bedspread - got it at Target and it really was very pretty and inexpensive. Put her name on the hem and it never disappeared. She would stroke it.
Just some non-furniture ideas that may please both of you:
I hung a pretty framed picture of flowers on the wall across from her bed and a blown up framed photo of her her and her sisters on the wall next to her bed; she loved getting together with the five "girls" when she was well. Did she know or process the photo? Don't know.
Also became quite a shopper at a hobby/craft store that carried all kinds of stuff. I bought stick-em items for her wall and closet door for each holiday and season and she seemed to like looking at them. Christmas was special; found a tiny prelit tree that was really cute and placed it on her nightstand; she seemed to enjoy gazing at it.
Used the guerney chair and got Mom out to activity room where she could watch the activities; especially when there was live music. Sometimes she seemed to watch, a few times she fell asleep; but it was a bit of a change for her. I attended watching programs with her as much as I could when not working.
The bottom line in this in our case was that until the very end, it seemed to stimulate her a bit for short bits of time. Or . . . . perhaps it was just me. In any case, it also made me feel I was doing something for her.
NOTE: Not only do we try to give color, etc. if our LO can still notice the items, but the staff responds to it; they know there is much caring and they also see the patient/resident as more of an individual. It seemed to make a difference; the staff sure noticed. Just our experience.
Best of luck,
It is nice hearing from you. You are such a loving caring husband your wife is so lucky to have you. When my DH was in MC his room was just a normal room nothing fancy. I had his recliner from home in his room facing the window and the TV. I had the bedspread off of our bed on his bed, it was a king size spread on a twin bed so I had most of it tucked behind the bed. I had all the pictures hung on his wall of all the kids. I made it as comfortable for him as I could but I don't think he even noticed these things.
He spent most of his time watching out the window so I had a bird feeder outside his window and this and the TV occupied his time. Like Jo C said adding color to her room would be a nice addition.
Thanks for the update and please take care of yourself. Hugs Zetta
Riffing off some other ideas here, I think decals, stickers, or paint may be a better investment in new furniture. It sounds like some contrast may be more helpful to her than quality workmanship.
I was thinking about you just yesterday! Its really nice to hear from you! I would get her a pretty bed spread/quilt/comforter. A floral pattern of bright colors? If its exceptionally soft she would get comfort from touching it. Perhaps a large picture to hang across from her bed. Targets has good sales on bedding items, so does Home Goods. Marshall's has great prices too. You could find a pretty and very soft/fluffy throw blanket for $20 at any of the stores I mentioned. Hobby Lobby often has a great selection of large posters on sale, some are very beautiful. You could mount that on the wall using thumb tacks, no need to purchase a frame. I think she would notice bright colors but probably not much else.
Good luck! Thank you for the update. I'm glad to hear she's getting good care!