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Memory Care intro went very badly
Tracy, I am so very sorry. As you can see, many of us have had similar experieinces and it can be a real heartbreaker. I often found myself waking up in the wee hours wondering how my mother was faring; I also did a lot of second guessing of myself. I think that for many of us, that is par for the course. Not only do our LOs have a period of adaptation; we adult children also have a period of adaptation. Time will in most cases, soften things.
I am a strong person and rarely, do I ever have tears. The day we admitted my mother into care, we too had arranged her room; everythng in its place before she ever arrived: all her clothes, her toiletries, her favorite recliner/lift chair; photos and pictures, her favorite bedspread and treats . . . . .and me . . . . .with a pounding heart; feeling like a dreadful, guilt-ridden daughter.
Told my mother that she needed rehab; I had arranged for someone to come each morning and "exercise" her or walk her to sustain that falsehood. I arranged for the same aide on each shift to be with her to avoid too many strange faces with hands-on; arranged for her to be escorted to the dining room and activities each day; arranged for her to be seated at a table with others who were in her level of function as so many were far more advanced and having more trouble with all and sundry. She did like that I made an appointment at the facility beauty shop to have her hair done; I tried to think of everything I could; but omigoodness; I had forgotten my heart in the midst of it all.
My DH and I stayed until late afternoon. We left feeling exhausted. Did not want to have to cook dinner; so we stopped at a lovely cafe/restaurant. We were seated in the middle of the dining room, order taken. Suddenly; without any idea it would happen, no warning whatoever; I abruptly burst into tears. Not nice quiet "lady" tears, but huge gulping loud sobs; nose running, face red and no matter how I tried, I could not stop. We had to leave with me sobbing my way across the dining room. I am NOT an over-emotional person; never had anything like that happened to me before - but it was. Wonder what the other poor diners thought.
My mother had some wanting to go home and had some irritability, etc. You know. I did not want to not go and see her; staff wanted me to not visit for two weeks so she would "bond" with staff. I am not a believer in abandonment. Heck; how would I feel if someone placed me with bunch of strangers and left me high and dry? What an awful thought.
I was able to go into the staff office that had one way glass in the door; I could look out and see my mother in craft and activity time. She seemed to be calm and actually participating and doing well. That helped somewhat. I also took a meal she liked and even fast food she liked from time to time as they had a private family dining room and we would visit with a meal with family. We also managed to get her outside as they had nice gardens with sidewalk and benches. Still . . . . .not easy and had to keep up the fiblets about why she was there until she finally stopped asking.
You are a dear and loving daughter doing the very best for your mother under difficult circumstances; You are still her carer, just in a different sort of way.
Please let us know how you and she are doing; we really care and will be thinking of you. I send you my warmest thoughts from one daughter to another,
Just an FYI. Look at the dates on here, July.
Hi Eaglemom, what does your comment mean about the date, July?
This is an old thread that got dredged up. Apparently a member deleted his or her post and the thread was brought to the top. When eagle posted it was in reference to nothing, because whatever she responded to was deleted. This has been happening lately to quite a few threads.