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I laugh or else I would cry update.
Unknown By Man
Posted: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 1:12 PM
Joined: 12/23/2021
Posts: 97

My mother was transferred from the ER to her placement last night around 10:30 PM. She seemed okay, been getting calls since 7:30 AM. They are going to transfer her back to the ER. 

The hospital laid out what she needed to be comfortable, and the administration agreed but unfortunately the staff and doctors were not playing ball. I gave my mom a cell phone to have her call me. At around 8:00 AM she called me stating they were trying to give her pills, medication was not part of the hospitals discharge plan. When I inquired they told me my mother was lying though she took a picture of the pill. I drove up and when I showed administration the pill and what my mother told me. The doctors claimed it was for her benefit that the hospital records show this as part of her treatment plan. I requested to see this since I also had a copy of my mother's hospital notes and everything that was sent. They were trying to give her a sedative in the morning . . . How is that for her benefit?

This is when the doctor got visibility upset and asked how did I have that information since it appears normally family members do not request such information when leaving the hospital. I got all the notes from each rounds, and checks ins, EVERYTHING. So now it is nearly 2PM and they are in talks with either discharging or transferring her because and I quote; "They are nor qualified to handle such a unique case." Even though administration was fully aware of the complexities around my mother's care. When I asked what changed their mind they claim they underestimated my mother's behaviors and need for social interaction.

So looks like I am back to square one, since the NHTD waiver takes three months. Most likely she is going back to the hospital, good times ahead. Dementia + mental health issues my God not a fun combo. 

Posted: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 1:21 PM
Joined: 9/10/2021
Posts: 373

She is blessed to have you!!

basically, they flat-out lied.  and you caught them.  bet they do have excuses.  so sorry you are back to trying to figure out what next.  This just shows that we need to be on top of the situation.  Glad you are.

Posted: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 1:30 PM
Joined: 6/14/2021
Posts: 559

You need to report this situation to the over sight agency for such facilities in your state.  While it won't help your mother, it may help other if they are found to be "routinely" sedating those in their care.
mommyandme (m&m)
Posted: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 1:39 PM
Joined: 2/16/2020
Posts: 664

I’m so sorry!
Quilting brings calm
Posted: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 1:56 PM
Joined: 10/16/2020
Posts: 1107

There are nursing homes that use sedation for patients with behavioral issues like your moms.  I know that’s a medical issue for your mom due to her reactions to medications. I’m not sure they gave her any opportunity to settle in as fast as this went sideways.
Unknown By Man
Posted: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 2:03 PM
Joined: 12/23/2021
Posts: 97

I will be reporting this, I knew this facility was going to be a hotmess it was one of the view places that would take her. 

The icing on the cake was when the social worker came up and told me, this the problem with your generation, you expect others to do what you cannot do simply because it is our job. 

Yup you are darn* right that is what I expect. Then they asked if I cared so much why not put your mom in private care. Trust me if I could do so without giving up my entire annual pay I would. It is not my fault that quality care is cost dependent, and that unfortunately not every parent does what is nesseary to make sure they are taken care of in their old age. 

It is frustrating, all I am trying to do is do everything I possibly can so I can hold my head up high and know I have done everything that is as far as is possible and practicable that does not jeopardize my own healthy or future outside the bounds I am comfortable with. By no means should giving someone a sedative in the morning be part of a treatment plan. I do not care how overworked, understaffed or what have you someone is. 

Maybe I am just being unreasonable and not caring for the workers, but I have be raised take pride in your work. Do not cut corners and try to make your current job easier at the expense of others.

Unknown By Man
Posted: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 2:10 PM
Joined: 12/23/2021
Posts: 97

Quilting brings calm wrote:
There are nursing homes that use sedation for patients with behavioral issues like your moms.  I know that’s a medical issue for your mom due to her reactions to medications. I’m not sure they gave her any opportunity to settle in as fast as this went sideways.
I am aware that they have nursing homes like that, but I spoke with a lawyer and they cannot just sign off and give the sedatives if it is not part of her current issued treatment plan unless the person was showing signs of violent aggression. Which has to be documented. The reality is even if the facility felt it was nesscary they agreed to the hospitals discharge plan, we discussed my mother's case in great detail and I made clear by no means do I approve the use of sedatives unless she has become a danger to herself or others and if they cannot agree to that they do not accept the transfer the hospital social worker will have to either find another place or speed up the NHTD application process.
They agreed, and they tried to spin it saying she was being violent. My mom was on the phone with me most the time only time she got difficult was when she refused to take the pill. I got their as fast as I could. 

Quilting brings calm
Posted: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 2:43 PM
Joined: 10/16/2020
Posts: 1107

Unknown - I agree that the facility should not have been using sedation without a doctors orders, and it sounds like they didn’t have  that.  Both because the discharge papers said no and because they hadn’t contacted the doctors to get that changed. 

I’m really disgusted  by the lack of professional help families get in taking care of the mentally ill or people with dementia. All the medical people seem content to do is give us the diagnosis and just send them out of the office thinking family will provide.  We aren’t always able to provide mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. Most of us have many other obligations to children, spouses, jobs( providing us with money to keep our homes), etc. plus we are allowed to have lives of our own.    Thankfully we aren’t legally required to do so beyond our capability.  But the system doesn’t step up and do what needs to be done.  Free will and the dismantling of the old system of mental hospitals etc. 

One of these days you will be forced to turn over control of your mom’s care to a guardian, that comes with freedom for a price.  You lose the say so to be there for her on days like today. I know the time is coming for my step dad for that eventually. He refuses to give me full POA and I refuse to go to court over it. 

Unknown By Man
Posted: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 6:06 PM
Joined: 12/23/2021
Posts: 97

It is a shame that our current system for those that have LO that did not set themselves up properly to face the hardships around this disease simply must be left to the whims of the system and the care facility that they are placed. What scares me the most is what about those families that have LO's placed but they happen to be miles away and their LO has no one to advocate for them. 

Either way still waiting for transport, it seems the ER does not want to take my mother either, cause they were not able to provide a medical reason for her to be taken to the ER. I am livid at the moment, cause like you said I will be forced to give up control. Though things like this make it hard to do so. My mother many be many things, but she is still a human, and the fact of the matter is I have ran into far too many people that think they can treat our LO's as less then human because they will simply forget, so why does it matter.

This is something I had a doctor tell me, why fight so hard for someone that will not even remember in the future. I get it empathy is not my strong suit either, but come on healthcare professionals need a degree of empathy, they call cannot be jaded cynical nihilistic beings solely out for a paycheck. 

It is a shame family are put in such a position where we have to rationalize the level of care based around the notion of if they were of sound mind they would not want you to suffer. This is what people tell me often, which sure that may be true. Though for me personally that feels like I am giving up my own humanity to have a life a the expense of the life of the mother. It does not have to be that way, I get I am naive but I do feel quality of care should be predicated on the amount of money available. It is not the case for other forms of care, I had stint with cancer as a child, everyone came together to help me and I would not be here if it is was not for the lengths my parents and family went for me. Now my mom needs help and because she is older people just vanish. It is sad how our elderly end up being alone because it is just too hard.  

Posted: Thursday, January 13, 2022 12:05 PM
Joined: 3/2/2020
Posts: 149

I'm so sorry this is happening, I went through a similar ordeal and my dad did have the financial means but they kept medicating him and it was a nightmare for him but for me also. I really tried to fight the system. They didn't know how to handle him and were very unskilled.. Archaic medicine. So that's what they did.

You're not sacrificing your life for your mother, you're trying to help your mother against unbelievable odds. You're doing everything possible you can do. I suppose she doesn't qualify for Hospice? Sometimes there are loopholes. I'm sure you've tried to get legal help with this. 

I'll be following and hoping you come up with a good resolve despite a disgraceful health care system. Also don't ask me how but try to take some care of yourself because If you crash she has no one and you deserve to be healthy.. I'm not one to talk I am last on the list in my caregiver situation, just concerned you don't burn out... in your quest. 

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