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Spouse or Partner Caregiver Forum
Just Another Day In The Neighborhood
I’m kind of new to this group. I work from home. Today I woke up and as I walked around the house I discovered all the minor chaos that happened while I was asleep and my DH was not. In the downstairs bathroom there was his wallet, one of the TV remotes, a handkerchief, some rubber bands, and napkins on the floor by the toilet.
The other remote was missing and the tv was on in the family room so I couldn’t turn it off.
I found it after a thorough search everywhere
DH often puts the remotes in his pocket and/or moves them
The guest room where he slept after about 3am had his clothes and pillows strewn about and there was an empty glass of ouzo which had spilled on the bed so now I’m washing the quilt
This morning the faucet on the kitchen sink sprayer stuck in the open position so if you turn the water on it sprays and I had to call the plumber who will be here tomorrow
Then I heard a weird noise and discovered that the glass in the front door has cracked so I had to call a glass repair place and send pictures- the former owner put this stained glass insert but apparently didn’t use tempered glass
I filled out a form on home advisor to get a quote on replacing the door but nobody got back to me until just now someone from their customer service called me to check on if anyone called me and she was asking all these questions and I just didn’t want to talk with her
My DH, who hasn’t showered in about 6 days, is lying on my bed with all his clothes on
And it’s only lunchtime!
Hope you guys are having a better day and I hope something nice happens to improve mine
Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart. Mostly I am.
Starwish, welcome to our group. I wish it was about reading, gardening, good wines, traveling, or anything fun, but it isn't.
Your days sound familiar. If it wasn't so stressful, it would be comical what we find around the house.
Glad you found the remote. Remember there is always the plug to pull to turn the TV off.
I am sorry to hear about the kitchen faucet and the glass door breaking. It's always something.
My DH has not showered in probably 2.5 months. It became a battle I did not wish to fight anymore. He does wear deodorant and washes his bald head off and around his neck. Because he mainly sits around the house or wanders the yard, he doesn't get all that dirty. I notice it on his sheets, so use hot water and oxyclean. He wears dirty clothes, so before we go someplace, I go over what he is wearing and have him change.
Summers are more stressful for me, as he goes out to do something and then I have to step in to fix whatever he has done. I get so tired of having to undo all he has done. AT least in the winter months, he enjoys working puzzles that are always being worked on in our living room. He also likes to sit and watch a fire place scene on TV that I found a few years ago during Christmas. We have a real fire place which I light on cold snowy nights, but the TV one is great. It crackles and looks lovely. There is no music and it is still showing in May.
Otherwise he sits a lot in his recliner, wanders around, sometimes empties the dishwasher, but will never, ever, ever, puts a dirty dish in it. He will stand and wash dishes with the faucet running full force. I tell him he is wasting a lot of expensive water, so he has mostly stopped doing that.
One morning I got up to find the puzzle chair turned on it's side behind the puzzle table and the puzzle lamp was on the floor. I was shocked! DH was shocked also! No one had broken in and nothing was amiss other than the puzzle table area. He went to bed after me the night before, so assume he became confused and started doing things. I now make sure he goes to bed the same time as I do.
I wish you many good thoughts on this journey. Reading what others say can be very helpful.
Star, welcome. I wish you had no reason to be here, but you did find a good group.
That's more than enough for a week, let alone before lunch. I hope tomorrow is a much different day for you.
Hi and thank you so much for your note. Yes, finding the remote is a small victory!
Wondering what is your day like?
Wow. I am seeing a number of similarities in our situations. Do you have anyone at all who you’ve hired to help you at all? It seems a good sign that your DH can do puzzles. What are your neighbors like? Do they know your situation?! What part of the country are you in?
I have a consultation on Wednesday with an elder law lawyer and hopefully will get some directions on what I need to do.
Nice to chat with you!
Hi there and thank you so much for the note.
My DH is beyond the EO stage and he was diagnosed about 3 years ago.
I’m going to speak to his doctor about sleep aids.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed it’s hard to see some tangible solutions.
I’m glad that this medicine is working for your DW and that you are able to get some sleep.
Hi Starwish, I am my husband's only caretaker. He goes everywhere with me outside of the home. During the summer months, our son will take his dad fishing, so I have the day to myself. It is lovely for the first half of the day, then I start thinking of them returning and a little anxiety starts coming back. If they have caught enough trout we have fish for dinner, so I am busy getting ready for that.
Our neighbors are friendly and helpful and do know our situation, but they have busy lives. The couple across the street, we have known most of our lives. They are both in their early 80s and have their own health problems. We do go out to lunch with them every month or two. They travel a lot to see their children in Texas and Missouri, so are gone frequently. They also eat out every day, lunch and dinner. and they love to shop, so it's not easy to find them home.
We live in a suburb of Denver, where it is currently supposed to snow! I spent yesterday covering the sprinkler system manifolds, finding old blankets to cover the flowers and picking the last of the lilacs. When DH tries to help, it ends up being more work for me as he can no longer do what he did all of his life.
It is definitely a good idea to see an elder law attorney for advice and direction. That was one of the first things I did.
My husband is also taking a sleeping pill. It is called triazolam, 0.25 mgs. He sleeps very well with that, but finding a doctor to keep prescribing that medication isn't easy. His current primary care physician is willing to keep him on it, as he sleeps all through the night with no bathroom trips until early morning. I asked about Ambien, but our previous doctor would not put him on it, as he said it can slow the heart rhythm down. I was taking it and wondered why it was okay for me, but not my husband.
What part of the country are you in?