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A very resistant FIL - clearly dementia but refusing to sign a POA, see doctor, etc
This sounds very difficult. I am sorry you have a need to be here, but glad you reached out for support. I have 2 concerns specific to your situation.
1) Where is your BF in all this? Why is he not the one here? It's his dad. Does he not see dad as an impediment to your relationship developing? Does he share your sense of urgency around dad's well-being and safety? 2) It's really hard to give legal advice to someone living in a different country. In the U.S. laws and supports vary by state- some states have guardianship while others have conservatorship for people who are incapacitated but haven't signed a POA. My aunt obtained guardianship for her sister in one state and then had to go to court when she moved her to the state where the guardian resides. Some states offer a safety net of paid care in a MCF for those with low income and assets levels, some offer only skilled nursing in identical circumstances. I expect there are laws to help you protect BF's dad, but they make work very differently in the UK. Your BF needs legal representation. Perhaps this UK-specific site can point you in the right direction. Alzheimer's Society (alzheimers.org.uk)
Hello! Thank you so much for you advice and concerns!
My bf is concerned about his dad and us too. He's trying to sort stuff, whilst looking after his dad and trying to work. So I'm trying to help from afar where I can. The problem is we can't seem to sort things as his dad is so it resistant.
And thank you, will check it out. I have seen that there are elderly care specialist lawyers, so might be worth looking at it. They just seem to be feeling a bit hopeless at the moment as they've tried to get the dad involved and resigned to looking after him. But could be worth it if this is ongoing.
Yes, see a elder law attorney in england with your boyfriend to see what possibilities exist.
Sad as this is, the whole situation gives you a preview of how your bf will behave when "life" occurs, he'll always have a job or school to deal with - will he step up or just defer and hope things change when a major issue arises in the future.
Now your hands are tied- Dad isn't your father or FIL-- it's on the sons, your bf primarily. And he's not doing much? Most guys will do all they can to get alone time with their gf at this stage in the relationship , but he is happy to have you Dad-sit?
The problem is we can't seem to sort things as his dad is so it resistant.
His dad has anosognosia. This makes him think there is nothing wrong with him. If you try to confront him with reality, he will RESIST and become upset. You will have to learn the work-arounds that the members talk about. Read about anosognosia.