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Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone
Delayed Dementia Grief
This is the best recording of "Comfortably Numb" [Waters and Vedder] I've heard, I disappear into in.
"There is no pain you are recedingA distant ship, smoke on the horizonYou are only coming through in wavesYour lips move but I can't hear what you're saying"........
Like Inuit words for snow, Dementia Land gives us many feelings for "loss." Over and over while they are here and after we feel it.
That verse pretty much describes my first year in Stage 8 - a pretty thorough disconnect from the world and myself.
In Vedder's interpretation, I hear a desperation at finding himself in his isolation rather than absolute defeat. I like it...
Although my LO was my mother and the medical choices for my mom were under other people in the family, I can relate to your the guilt and grief you are going through.
Yesterday and today marks a year since I shared time with my LO. It will be a year on friday that she passed away.
There are days where an energy of anger and rage pass through me -as I think of how many meds she was on during her last year.
It is heart breaking and sometimes difficult to remember during the time of my mom's illness - I was, and everyone else was doing their absolute BEST to care, support and love my mom.
It's still sometimes so hard to understand she has physically passed away.
Sending you love and strength.
"Look out of any window, any morning, any evening, any day
Maybe the sun is singing, the birds are winging,
Though rain is falling from a heavy sky
What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
For this is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago. "
--Box of rain. lyrics