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Two Parents with Alzheimer's - only child as of two years ago
Posted: Sunday, November 20, 2022 7:00 AM
Joined: 11/16/2020
Posts: 3

Good afternoon - I am looking for suggestions.  I am an only child dealing with both parents having Alzheimer's.  I have tried very hard to keep them together but a few months ago, I had to separate them and they are both in different memory care homes.  My Dad was becoming increasingly aggressive and I had to have admitted to the ER so I could get him into a geriatric mental health ward to figure out his medications.  We think part of his aggression was trying to protect my Mom who broke both hips and quit walking last spring.  He, more or less, thinks my Mom has died. My Mom has Alzheimer's but knows he is alive living somewhere else.  She is so very sad and wants to see my Dad. She has about two months to live as she has a pressure wound (Kennedy Ulcer) that doesn't have any cure.

I am conflicted as to whether or not, I should bring her to live in the same home as my Dad or bring my Dad to visit her.  I am concerned it will spiral my Dad down even further and that he may not recognize my Mom which would make things harder on my Mom.

This disease is insane.  These are two people who have loved each other through thick and thin for the past 60 years.

Any thoughts, suggestions or comfort are welcome.

Good luck to all of you on your journey.

mommyandme (m&m)
Posted: Sunday, November 20, 2022 1:00 PM
Joined: 2/16/2020
Posts: 875

I wish I had a suggestion for you.  I’m so sorry that you’re going through this with your parents.  Just wanted to let you know there are people out here.  I hope someone that has some knowledge on your struggles will be by soon to help. Glad you reached out to share.
Posted: Sunday, November 20, 2022 2:03 PM
Joined: 6/3/2013
Posts: 1226

Lisa:  I would not move your Mom at this stage. A Kennedy ulcer is a sign of impending death. It is caused by organ failure, in this case the skin, rather than by pressure (although pressure could certainly contribute). A true Kennedy ulcer means the person has weeks to live, and will be accompanied, now or in the very near future, by signs of other organs failing. 

I’m so sorry you and your dear parents are in this situation. You know your father best. If you fear that a visit by him to your Mom will be hard on both of them, you may decide not to make that happen, cruel as this may sound.  My heart goes out to all of you.  

Posted: Sunday, November 20, 2022 3:26 PM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 6667

You are in such a hard spot. I'm so sorry, and I wish I could send words to make it easier, but there are none. Whatever you decide about bringing him to see her will be the best that you can do under the circumstances. You just can't possibly know what the effect will be from bringing him to see her. It could bring her comfort, or it might have a negative effect, depending on how the meeting goes. Whatever you do, just realize that you are doing what seems to be best. Never second guess yourself afterwards. No guilt either way. I sincerely hope things work out as well as they can.
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