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Spouse or Partner Caregiver Forum
During that time my husband began to show signs of dementia. But I was preoccupied keeping my dad going and my mother calm.
Five years ago, my dad died. At his funeral, my husband could not figure out how to turn on the headlights for the motorcade to the cemetery. Another heartbreaking 3 years and my husband was gone.
It took me a good year and then some to restore my sanity. Gradually the trauma fades and the memories of the good times return.
Here is my advice: Everyone's situation is different, so listen to others but find your own way and know that you are doing your best in a really, really difficult stage of your life. There will be times (many) when you are exhausted and emotionally spent. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't think you have failed when things are crazy out of control.
You will survive. You will mend. And you will have the highest respect for the caregivers of the world.
Bless you all.
My mother had vascular dementia for 10 years and died 26 days after my wife was diagnosed with MCI. That was 10 years ago. Art Buchwald summed it up for me a long time ago after 9/11
When President Kennedy was killed, my friend Mary McGrory said to Pat Moynihan, "We'll never laugh again." And Moynihan, who later became a U.S. senator, replied, "Mary, we'll laugh again, but we'll never be young again."
After a very bad day and a worse night. Just cleaned up pee
I wanted to thank you for this post.
I am questioning if this is all I am anymore or be anything else. I hate this disease. It has taken the person I loved so much and turned her into something that I don't like so much and the worst part I can't help her - Alzheimer's will kill her - there is no cure, no magic drug anywhere on the horizon to even improve her condition.
There are "pills" to alleviate certain symptoms and they work "sometimes", but the person today was not who DW was. It is the "new" her now that I deal with and it gets harder and will get harder even more - I trudge on knowing I can't help her get well and I think that hurts now more than ever as she is no longer the person I fell in love with.
I have to accept who she is now, but I tell you I am really hating some of what I become when I have no sleep again. I seem to struggle more and more on why can't she just do this, understand that. I know its her brain deteriorating, after 6 years + on this terrible disease track. But not sleeping, going again in her pajamas - I just am so tired of this disease.
I looked into placing DW in a respite place last week, and I am torn up about it because I worry about her. Will she be OK. We have been married for 20 years and it has been me and her together always. I took care of her and its like I can't let go, but I am not handling things well lately. Between working 40-50 hours at my job, caregiving all day and night lately I am beyond tired.
Venting late at night.
Thank you so much for your post. We all need something to look forward to, even though we know it will come with great loss. Everyone here is losing their present as their LO loses the past. We have only the future to dream about, and we fear it also. We will all come to the day that we are truly alone, at whatever age, having lost not only our LO, but also years of our lives that we can’t get back. It’s good to hear that life can be good again.