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Dumped the bath aide service
Posted: Sunday, October 27, 2019 5:20 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2334

Dad kept getting little rashes.  At first, I assumed, “...his skin is changing?  Getting more sensitive?”

Then later, I thought, “Raymond ain’t doing that good of job.  Like, a 5 minute bath?!  Ok, no big deal.  He’s busy and has many patients.” 

My sister was surprised with how fast the service was.  She happened to be present when Raymond stopped by to bathe dad.  She said, “...yeah, he thinks I don’t spend enough time with my father, but what’s up with those 5 minutes baths?”

For me, it’s no big deal, because I give dad his “Sunday Super Wash with the Works Special” anyway.  It can take up to 40 minutes. That doesn’t include the grooming, which by then is more like ~1 ½ hrs. It’s a lot of work.

So, no big deal if the bath aides don’t do much. Just a little freshening up for dad is okay and I’m not there to help out. 

And, I rarely expect much from folks.  It’s just how it is. 

Raymond stopped coming around. I thought maybe he won the lottery, because the last time Raymond bathed my dad, he arrived in a nice big vehicle.  Good times.    

However, recently I saw Raymond moving along the freeway (in yet another car) while I was stuck in traffic.  He slowed passed me and waved out trying to get my attention, then waved hello to me with a big smile.  I waved back….

I guess he had to dump dad because his work area is mostly up North and dad is a Southern area man.  The traffic going south takes very long time during late afternoons.    

Well, with the replacement bath aide, the rashes got worse.  I never met her, but she seemed very nice.  We only communicated through texts or calls.  And I heard she was young, maybe mid 20’s. 

I could tell she was doing a better job bathing dad, but dad’s rashes got bigger or worse.  What the hell is going on?  Why is his skin doing that?

A couple of Sunday’s ago, after several days treating his rashes by washing the irritated areas, applying ice for a few seconds, applying cream for the rash and by the super wash, the rash was pretty much gone….I realized “Hey, I don’t think the bath aides are rinsing dad with clean water..”

I always lather dad up, rinse, and change the water and drench him one last time.  I make a mess in the room, but as long as dad gets a good washin’, it’s all good.

Later, I told the caregiver, “…dad has a rash again.  I don’t think the bath aide is rinsing the soap off.  Can you please tell the bath aide to rinse him one last time with just water, please?” 

She said, “Oh yeah, she never rinses him.  She says that with the soap she’s using you don’t have to rinse…”

Well, the bath aide was instructed to rinse him, and I heard that she said she didn’t think that was causing his rashes.  And she rinsed him very quickly with not much water…I mean, I understand she’s trying to be careful….but…

It kinda irked me, but I know it’s not her fault.

That same day when I arrived home, dad had a big rash again.  I took a picture of it, sent her the photo via text, called her, and dumped her service.

It was like, it’s not you, it’s me type of breaking…when really, it was her and not me.

“…this has been happening since Hospice began and I never figured out what it was until last Sunday.  I think it’s best not to have the service anymore.  It’s not your fault, and I understand you may have a schedule and many patients.  But, I don’t really need the help anyway. I can do it myself…blah bah blah bah blah….” 

So, it’s been over a week, and no more rashes.  Why does it take me so darn* long to figure things out?

And, is this what I have to look forward to if I become bed bound/incompetent??  Is this happening to other bed bound patients??  I can’t imagine doing this type of bath service on the little old ladies with stretchy and thin/sensitive skin.  Poor people.


Dad is up for recertification, and chances are, because he’s not declining, he’ll get discharged?  Blood work was done, so let’s see what happens.

I was surprised to see how much Medicare is being charged for Hospice.  I thought, “…now multiply that amount with all the people receiving Hospice… wow wow”.  And, look at dad’s recent photo….does he look like a dying man to you?

I already told the care manager that I will no longer take dad to any doctor offices or for Lupron injections.  So, let’s see what other options there are if he gets discharged….to be continued.


Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 6:46 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 12278

I am sorry Ruth.  You are a great advocate for your father; he is blessed to have you by his side caring for and about him.


Eric L
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 10:54 AM
Joined: 12/5/2014
Posts: 1286

Do you think it would be possible to find another hospice provider in your area? The young lady that usually bathed my MIL was fantastic. She was here for at least 30-45 minutes. We had a few hiccups along the way, but one of the things that our m-f caregiver reminded us when we started hospice was that we were in charge of the process and to be not be afraid to call the hospice company to let them know about any concerns that we had.

She was a fantastic resource. Her second husband passed because of complications from dementia. She was an LVN and had dementia experience. She also had dealt with hospice  before her husband passed. When we first started with hospice, she told me a story about how the pharmacy had delivered a prescription at like 1am. She said that she had just happened to be up because of issues with her husband, but she called the hospice company the next morning and said "no more deliveries after 9pm". It was her way of reminding me (and us) that we were still in charge of this whole thing and that hospice needed to work around our schedule and not theirs.

Call your hospice company and tell them "no more baths without clean water at the end. Dad is having a reaction to the no-rinse soap and keeps breaking out in rashes." As a matter of fact, if he still has a rash, have an on-call nurse come out and see him to treat the rash.
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 8:10 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1579

Ruth,   You are doing a real good job taking care of your Father and he is so Cute. Hugs Zetta
Posted: Wednesday, October 30, 2019 12:01 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2334

Thank you JoC.  Dad is pampered all the time.  I mean, look at that spoiled face of his!  We do have little arguments, but he still wins.

Eric, the Director of Hospice immediately called me after I talked to the bath aide. I felt that I had to inform the bath aide myself so she can hear it from me first.  I would have been willing to show her myself, but I don't have time during the work week when it may be her only schedule.  And I knew it would be too much back and forth and disagreeing or different opinions  Hey! I've been bed bathing dad for almost 2 years.  So I know that what I'm using (lotions or whatever) wasn't causing that.  I think she's taught or trained that the soap she's using is safe for all skin types.  I guess it's similar to dry shampoo or maybe it's the same??   (I imagine this is happening to more people and folks aren't aware.)

So, best to dump the service and she can decide on her own that next time she needs to listen, instead of defending her no-rinse method. I had just cleared him up since the previous time she bathed him. That's why I sent her the photo of the rash on my dad's inner arm area.  Actually, both arms were like that.   He didn't have it before she bathed him. She said,  "would you like me to shower him?"  I don't have walk-in shower to roll him in.  Even if I did, that probably would be aggravating for him in his condition.

And with the previous bath aide, dad would get little rashes on upper chest area.  At that time, I didn't realize the real cause.  It took a while to figure it out.  I also assumed warmer weather and sweat was causing that.  But that didn't happen last year...

Anyway, back to the Director (sorry, I went off on a tangent again), she immediately called me and was sorry to hear that.  She immediately offered whatever help I needed.  I told her at this time I'm okay, but that I  wouldn't hesitate to ask when needed.  She said that I can leave instructions of what I do and they can follow what I want.  

His rash is gone.  However, I do see a slight sensitivity where the rash originally was located. I'm keeping an eye on it.  It seems good today. 

ladyzetta, isn't he?  I've been wanting to take a close photo shot of him smiling for a while now.  That picture was from a couple of weeks ago and he was giggling about I don't understand what.  Sometimes he talks about something funny someone had done or it seems like back in his day he would play tricks on people and joke about it.  I'm not sure.  I imagine as a young man, he and his brothers did lots of goofy things and pulled it off.  He seems to be at that time of his memory life right now..??...I'm guessing. 

And then other times he seems really afraid that someone is going to attack his parents.  Who knows.  I don't know the history.  But he does get worried about his parents (if he only knew they're doing just fine in the other world).

Posted: Friday, November 15, 2019 11:26 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2334

ruthmendez wrote:


Dad is up for recertification, and chances are, because he’s not declining, he’ll get discharged?  Blood work was done, so let’s see what happens.

I was surprised to see how much Medicare is being charged for Hospice.  I thought, “…now multiply that amount with all the people receiving Hospice… wow wow”.  And, look at dad’s recent photo….does he look like a dying man to you?

Yep!  Not a dying man.  Labs are good.  Dad's been discharged.  HA!  No surprise.  Good thing the care manager will help us with the transition for Home Health.  And the Home Health team she'll arrange with works right next to their (Hospice) building.  She said they switch patients with them all the time.

Maybe I should jump into Hospice for myself instead  ;o) 

Just joking...kinda

Posted: Friday, November 15, 2019 2:35 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1579


You are such a good caregiver to your Dad and he looks so Cute & Happy hes not going any where for awhile. He is blessed to have a daughter like you. Hugs Zetta 

Posted: Friday, November 15, 2019 3:07 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20398

love the giggle photo...
Posted: Friday, November 15, 2019 9:57 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2334

Thank you ladies. That smile is too cute.  And yes, he ain't going anywhere.  Although, sometimes when he's a little pissed off, he says, "....I'm leaving now...."  

I ask him, "where are you going?"

He responds, "well, to my house!"


Posted: Friday, November 15, 2019 10:38 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2368

He is a cutie for sure.
Posted: Wednesday, November 20, 2019 12:02 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2334

Since the notice from last Friday, that dad was being discharged from Hospice and one more week to go, I was planning on what I needed.  Any equipment that I borrowed, which consisted of oxygen tanks or stuff and an overbed table, had to be returned.  
And since we got used to using the overbed table, I immediately checked online and found a similar type through Amazon (my favorite shopping site-I mean like...what don't you find there?!  Just love it! Bring headquarters here baby!) 
Anyway, so I guess I wasted some $$dinero$$.  Today, the Care Manager was going to make her second to her last stop, check dad, leave paperwork for me to sign, and return on Friday to pick it up. I checked to make sure I still had a few days with the table and yes.  Good.  Because I wasn't sure when the table I ordered was coming (it turned out it arrived today).

So, to make a long story short (or maybe not), the caregiver and I had been checking dad's blood pressure for a couple of weeks because the Care Manager was noticing his blood pressure was too high.  At first, the doc was about to prescribe a diuretic and I freaked because dad once ended up in ER for that was dropped from prescription.  That's when the caregiver and I began a log for reporting my dad's blood pressure-sending the Care Manager photos of my log, and she or another nurse would check each week themselves.  Well, anyway, again, today she checked his pressure, took some photos of the log I had, and a few hours later I received a call.....ring ring..."Hello?"

"Hi Ruth, the doctor is going to prescribe another medication for your father's blood pressure because it's still too high.  He is going to prescribe hydralazine, twice a day, and we are going to continue monitoring your dad.  So, he isn't discharged yet..."

Okay. Wow.  I couldn't help thinking about how much dad's wonderful smile has costed Medicare. But,...   ….. … ..

Anyway, have you guys heard about Equine Assisted Therapy??

A couple of weeks ago, the Care Manager arranged this for my dad.  It's so cute.  My dad thought it was a dog and was hesitant to pet the miniature horse.




Posted: Wednesday, November 20, 2019 9:08 AM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2368

The mini horses are cute. I have a pic of mom petting one.
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