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Moderator- My stress busting strategy.
Posted: Friday, June 19, 2020 4:40 PM
Joined: 1/25/2018
Posts: 712

First I cool my hand and arms off reaching deeply into the fridge.

Second I do some stretches by pulling forcefully on something with my upper body.  

Third, I rotate my shoulder(s) from where so much tension settles.

As I'm doing that I fill a large goblet with ice cold cabernet.

30 minutes later- no stress.

If that doesn't work I repeat till effective.

Note: Not advisable if you are the only care giver home with a loved with significant needs.

If that's the case, save that stress up until you can apply this technique.

Honestly, Proverbs-31:8. It works for me.

Posted: Wednesday, June 24, 2020 12:27 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2332

to be honest, I kinda felt more stress just reading all the steps in the other thread...I don't have patience to go through all that.

Markus, I like your stress busting strategy better.  I do Heineken or some wine.  Not too much either.  Just a little buzz thing going.  Maybe a few solo dances....that no one watches because they're not the best moves.  This usually happens during house cleaning.  During mop time.

Posted: Wednesday, June 24, 2020 10:31 AM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1544

Markus and Ruth,     I like the way you guys relax and relieve stress. I look forward to my evenings where I sit on my front porch with a glass or 2   of wine. Hugs Zetta
Posted: Thursday, June 25, 2020 12:45 PM
Joined: 5/30/2019
Posts: 187

I am trying to maintain my equanimity but it’s becoming more difficult as my husband declines. He was a professor, with a strong ego and confidence in his abilities. Despite the Alzheimer’s diagnosis, he thinks he is fine. I know about anasognosia but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep him safe. He wants to drive, shop, and do everything he has done for decades. 

We have no family nearby. I am «it» but I’m finding it increasingly difficult. My daughters and grandchildren live far away and my husband resents any help I have brought in. I have a cleaning lady who helps me out for 6-8 hours per week. I cannot leave my husband alone to attend support groups but I am coming to my wits’ end.

Posted: Saturday, June 27, 2020 7:35 AM
Joined: 1/25/2018
Posts: 712

Paris- any chance your hubby like a specific brand of wine. As long as it doesn't conflict with any other meds he's taking, a 6oz glass of Cabernet did wonders for my beloved when she restless to "go".
Posted: Saturday, June 27, 2020 11:12 AM
Joined: 6/27/2020
Posts: 1

Thank you for your comments. I am in a similar situation(professor husband who thinks he is fine most of the time). We do have an “assistant” that comes in 5 days a week. Some of the phrases I used to get acceptance were “assistant”. And “companion like Dr Who has”.  She does  the cooking. Reminds him to take his meds. Helps him with some activities and tries to get him to do his cognitive exercises. He still yells for me as first choice when he needs help. 

We have had smoke in the air in our area and he has asthma so walking outside is not the best option. Due to COVID 19 he can’t be driven to the gym. I’m looking for exercise ideas. I have arthritis so have trouble walking with him and his assistant also has asthma. 

He gets very restless. Always has. Never has been much for playing games. 

Please share ideas that have worked for you during this pandemic. 

Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, June 27, 2020 2:59 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 12160

Hello Diane and a very warm welcome to you.  I think that if you took your Post and placed it on the Spousal/Partner Forum, you will get much input, that Forum is very active; this one not so much.

I am delighted to have you join us and am looking forward to getting to know you better; I am also interested to see what answers come your way as I too need to get some exercise, cannot do it outside for various reasons and also have arthritis which wreaks havoc on the knees.  Wish I had a swimming pool to do exercise walking in, but alas on that one.  Perhaps some of the spousal members will have suggestions for good exerecise tapes that can be done inside that are particularly made for the older generation which makes them a bit easier on the body to do and lessens risk of injury while still providing adequate exercise.

There will be some good suggestions as many are isolated secondary to the coronavirus; so hope to see you over on the Spousal Forum.


dutiful deb
Posted: Saturday, July 11, 2020 4:30 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1900

I love that exercise strategy.  My drink of choice is coffee. I think lifting a  pot filled with a nice dark brew might work, right? Not to mention the aromatherapy from smelling a cup of freshly brewed java.  I'm not sure there is a bible verse for that, though.  
In response to the other comments: having a loved one who is not aware of their own loss of abilities is one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with dementia, at least in my opinion.  My husband is oriented to time, place, and activity, and is capable of doing his own self-care, but he has lost the ability to "read" people and can't see things from another person's perspective.  He is increasingly forgetful in a short-term sense, but remembers long-ago events with startling clarity, and they are the main focus of his conversations and activities.  His expression is often a flat affect, and at other times there is a look I can only explain as angry or hateful. He either has no reaction, or an over reaction, to situations and tends to overshare information in social situations. Carrying on a conversation with back-and-forth language  that involves understanding on both sides is impossible. 


What saves me from losing my sanity is keeping to a routine. I also avoid suggesting activities that involve doing a lot of steps in a short amount of time, and I have come to accept that anything we do is going to involve his obsessing over it, is going to take a lot of pre-planning on my part, and I have to cut down on the number of choices offered.  I stick to things my husband is familiar with, like gardening and home improvement projects; I prepare myself for things like his planting hundreds of pepper plants (I'm secretly thankful for the deer who keep eating them) and  sticking plants where they shouldn't be (planting garlic in among my gladiolas. I pulled up the glads and left the garlic).  

I like the "Doctor Who" companion idea.  I suppose there is no point in hoping that if and when that time ever comes for my husband and I, that I will get a no- nonsense "Donna" or practical "Martha"? I suppose I'd get a Rose Tyler or an Amy Pond with their own drama to deal with, sigh.  





Posted: Sunday, July 12, 2020 5:22 AM
Joined: 1/25/2018
Posts: 712

Deb- with the way my life is going I'd get a Dalek if I sought out a companion.
dutiful deb
Posted: Sunday, July 12, 2020 4:34 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1900

Markus, that made my day. Now I'm picturing a Dalek rolling around chanting, "Exterminate!" I can think of a few ways that would actually be useful! Like the laundry I can never stay caught up on. Ha! 

Of all the shows that are watched repetitiously at my house, Doctor Who is one I actually don't mind. Well, except when it's the same episode over and over. Currently we're watching Jumanji (the one with Robin Williams) for the hundredth time.  We cycle through the same half-dozen or so t.v. shows and movies, and sometimes we watch 5 to 10 minutes of each one, all in one evening.  It's often quite the mash-up.


Posted: Sunday, December 13, 2020 7:25 PM
Joined: 9/21/2020
Posts: 7

New to this forum and this thread. Husband has FTD and vascular dementia. Is this the rt place for me? He is a handful and has been most of our long marriage. He says things that are out of line, such as he tells me I am not good looking. And he says and has said thousands of other things that are bad. As for my stress busting strategy, I have things I might do but he objects to them and yells and calls me names. He says I am not allowed to do these things.   I am at my wits end. SOS
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