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Our LOs Say the Craziest Things
Would this kind of topic be good? I think most of us have had the incredibly bizarre conversation during which it was all you could do not to laugh.
Here's my opening example:
Mom: “You’re back quick.”
Jim: “I didn’t go anywhere.”
Mom: “You went out of town. You told me this morning you were going.”
Jim: “No, mom, that’s not until Thursday.”
Mom: “Yes. Today’s Friday.”
Jim: “No, mom, today’s Tuesday.”
Mom: “What happened to Wednesday and Thursday?”
Jim: “They come next.”
Mom: “What does that even mean?”
I've been called names.
Example: Recently, either during bath time or diaper change (don't remember which..uh oh) I was called,
"pinche vieja cagada…"
"f****en shitty old lady"
And he can curse in English too. I've also been called a
For me it's wild free association. My sister's PPA is causing her to lose nouns at an alarming rate.
My sister: I have that thing for that thing tonight.
Me: Hmm? I need more of a hint.
My sister: It's what I do with friends. I can't remember what it's called.
Me: Have dinner?
My sister: No, not dinner.
Me: Get together and hang out?
My sister: Not exactly.
Me: (thinking - what else do you do with friends when you get together but aren't having food?) Out loud I say - are you having a meeting?
My sister: Yes, a meeting.
Me: You're having a meeting with your arts foundation friends?
My sister: Yes!
I was kind of surprised I got it that quickly.
Using mapquest on my phone
Mom: What is THAT!?
Me: Oh its an app on my phone that using satitilites, and mapping and algorhims, and what not and people have driven around and they check the traffic, blah blah blah
Mom: (blank look)
Me: Its a talking map! Like Harry Potter had
To say and to do
The living is easy.
Early morning. Mid-January. Way, way up north. Snow everywhere.
My immortal beloved is inside our cozy cabin. Standing naked. Gazing out the bedroom window at the huge pile of snow. He walks toward the patio door and points to the outside...
He: "There. There. Over there."
I: "Later. After breakfast. Not right now. It is too cold. It is -29C with a wind chill factor of -38C."
He: "Am no f*** crazy dumb asshole. I know it is summer."
Out the door he went. Without boots. Without parka. Without mitts. Chasing pleasures. Seeking Life. Here. Now.
I love him so.
My mother had difficulty processing things in real time, so she often lagged behind and did not always catch things.
One day, myself, my husband, my brother and his wife were all visiting My brother happened to say something unintentionally funny while tripping over his own feet and a magazine he had been holding went flying into the air. We all spontaneously burst into laughter.
My mother gave us all a dirty look and said, "Oh for ctying out loud, don't have an organism!"
She meant 'orgasm."
She was NOT the type of lady to say such a thing which startled us a bit and then had us all sputtering trying not to laugh all over again. That has been a phrase we sometimes use now and then when together.
"The lady was walking down the street with her pants falling off....(chuckle chuckle)...and then she went to church....(chuckle)."
There are definitely chuckles to be had during these difficult times. Mom's birthday and Mother's Day are always close, and my brothers send flowers and gifts (but no visits!). On a phone call to my brother to thank him for the flowers, it went something like this:
Mom: Thanks for the gifts, Jim, I'm sorry I didn't get anything for you.
Jim: How have been, mom?
Mom: I have a part-time job now, I go to Forest Hills (no, Forest drive near home, not another city). I'm sorry I couldn't send you all gifts. Merry Christmas.
LOL, she attends a social day program twice a week. One day she was quite annoyed on her return home. " The center is very nice. I do alot. I don't understand why they haven't paid me yet."
This morning during a diaper change.
Dad: "I used to like you the most. But now, you know what? Not anymore."
Me: speechless, but with a grin.
The conversations are fascinating -- and frustrating -- sometimes. This one sure was.
We went to DQ and came home with ice cream. It was a bit soft so ...
Me: Do you want to put the ice cream in the freezer or eat it now?
Mom: Freeze it. We have to eat dinner.
(Mind you, we'd HAD dinner not 90 minutes before. There wasn't anything much in the house to eat, and had I known she was still hungry, we could have stopped at any of a dozen places en route to DQ.)
Me: We had dinner. We had rotisserie chicken sandwiches.
Mom: I didn't eat any rotary chicken. I haven't had anything to eat all day. Give me the d*mn ice cream.
My mom took herself for a walk around the block (egad) I go to find her and there is she is two sweaters a scarf and her slipper type shoes.
Oh Hi, just went for a walk, oh and btw can you get me a coat that zips up better?
Oh Mom, you mean this one right here on your chair we spent five hours yesterday shopping for?
Oh....that was after saying we are hear to get you a coat that zips up no less then 50 times each time she asked "why are we here"
A little while ago, a new visiting Hospice nurse called me to let me know that she really could not understand everything my father said, because he mostly speaks Spanish. However, she said:
"...I think he called me 'the DEVIL'...but he is so cute. He still smiles and talked.....I called the Case Manager nurse and told her 'he's mine'..."
I later found out that my father told her, "GO AWAY...DEVIL".
I told her, "....don't feel bad, he calls me 'mother f***ker'"
What a sweetheart, ain't he?
Ruthie, you're made of tougher stuff than I am, for sure. My skin might look like rhino hide, but inside, I'm still kind of susceptible to speech like that. Come to think of it though, I'm not the kind of person to go sulk in the corner. A much more likely scenario would involve me hitting someone upside their head if they called me that.
Just sayin', you know ?
...A much more likely scenario would involve me hitting someone upside their head if they called me that.
Oh my goodness, I just joined this online discussion and I love this page. It brings me joy to laugh at these stories. Here is one of mine taking care of my mother.
So my mom has lost some of her cognitive abilities and struggles with simple tasks......there is moments where I demonstrate a task and she repeats it with some guidance.
Well she is helping with the salad mix, and she just couldn't grasp the concept of pouring the dressing on the salad and mixing it together, so she stands there a minute with the dressing in hand and then finally starts pouring the packet of dressing.
When she gets done, she bops herself in the forehead ( like they had in the V8 commericals, where you should have had a V8), and it was like an ephinany.
It was the funniest thing, now she does a little more often, so I have told not to do it as much to not give her a headache.
More noun losses...
Last night for Halloween, I was out but my sister was watching movies.
Me: so what movie did you watch?
Her: that one that was really gross, I know you've seen it.
Me: I'm sure I have, but what was it?
Her: Ummmm, I can't remember who was in it.
Me: what was it about?
Her: it was really gross, but it was really good.
Me: tell me one thing about the plot.
Her: it was in an icy place.
Me: The Thing? (the John Carpenter version, that actually is pretty gross, but good)
We both laughed.
OMG! I am living this EVERY DAY. Mom's verbal skills are all over the place. And this weekend was super crazy.
But the Halloween story struck me. My mom has ALWAYS LOVED Halloween. This year? Didn't even really want to decorate. (And she has TONS of decorations including a miniature haunted house she assembled and created herself!)
she perked up a little when trick-or-treaters came but was otherwise very agitated, weepy and whiny. Pretty much inconsolable. Initially, she was excited about watching Bram Stoker's Dracula, a movie we've seen 100 times over the years.
I had wandered away for a minute to do something and when I came back, she told me we had to change the channel because that movie "was creepy." I had to laugh. It's Dracula. What did she THINK it would be?! Then she started "describing" a movie to me. "The one with that singer. There's kids."
"And a cat. I think it talks." Got it -- Hocus Pocus!!!! Luckily, it was on another channel.
Life is becoming an ongoing game of charades in addition to all the other BS that has materialized lately.
I haven't laughed this hard in a LONG LONG time. Real life, laughing out loud!
Dementia is so heartbreaking, its important to find humor and joy however we can. I appreciate the stories.
Mama Elf: I need that thing in there.
Me: In where, Mama?
Mama Elf: In that other room.
Daddy Elf: Tell me what it is.
Mama Elf: They go here (rubbing her ears) Mama Elf is very hard of hearing and very short tempered and talks very loud.
Me: Your hearing aid?
Mama Elf: No! I said they go here (rubbing her ears again).
Me: Your glasses?
Mama Elf: That's what I said! I need them.
Daddy Elf: I'll get them. Where are they?
Mama Elf: I told you! The other room with the TV.
Me: Daddy, I think she means the bedroom.
Daddy Elf: I can get those.
Daddy Elf heads toward the bedroom and comes back with Mama's hairbrush, the remote to the bed and Mama's night gown and gives them to Mama Elf.
Mama Elf: Why are you giving me these for?
Daddy Elf: You wanted them.
Mama Elf starts brushing her hair and gives the brush, the remote and her gown to Daddy Elf.
Mama Elf: I don't want to go to bed yet.
I wandered to the bedroom and got Mama Elf's glasses then walked behind her and when she wasn't looking I put them on the table beside her. Few minutes later she reaches over, gets her glasses and puts them on.